‘t Schrijfclubje #4 – The Food Review Edition

What is it that I’m eating here? There is hardly a semblance of any variety of food. The only thing which is certainly recognizable is the soggy iceberg lettuce shrouded under the cover of some unknown white sauce. Blue cheese? Hardly. Mayo? Possibly. Ranch? Doubtful. Even this lettuce, confused slices of cucumber and tomato must be wondering why they have a sideplate of shredded carrots and cabbage. It’s as though the Chef wanted to make a side salad but there were two places in the paper plate so he split them apart children who had been too naughty.
Politely plated next to this confused set of greens are seven little dwarves. These poor dwarves must equally be confused by their neighbors as they are by being sauced with the same liquid. As if to redeem the plates the chef decided to set the dish as though it were an episode of Dexter. Darkly black red spots gently run down the sides of these dwarves into a pool of red oil. Thankfully the spice fairy came during the murder of this dish and lightly sprinkled oregano across the scene.
Jackson Pollock we would be proud.
The rest of us, are appalled.
And I am finished here.

I am crazy about spicy, rich, exotic flavors so when a friend told me about this place I had to try it.
I ordered the chicken dumplings but what arrived was a work of art. The dumplings were a feast of colors served with an even more colorful a rainbow salad. (The photo doesn’t do it justice by the way.) The taste lived up to the visual presentation. The blend of garlic and chili complimented the rich marinade on the chicken. It was spicy but not so much that you lost the flavor of the chicken. The salad was a refreshing palate cleanser after the dumplings.

Hungry and without the proper rain gear, I stumbled upon this little ‘restaurant’. And I use that term lightly, restaurant.
The neon lights should’ve warned me but again: hungry and soaking in my not so waterproof outfit. Makes me a grumpy customer.
Probably due to the rainstorm it was crowded. Or, as I hoped, due to the good food. I sat down at one of the last unoccupied tables. From the non impressing menu I’ve ordered the dumplings. I heart dumplings.
Anticipating a silver lining to this day, I was quite disappointed. The grumpy staff rushed to almost throw the… Plastic?! Plate?!
What was this concoction? Even the dumplings were hiding in embarrassement… And garlic sauce. Nice of them to add some healthy salads. Covered with the same sauce. I would be a liar if i’d say I didn’t try and eat it. I mean, food. Right?
In all honesty I couldn’t finish it. It was like drinking garlic sauce. The dumpling was infused and soggy, so couldn’t tell what was in it. Could’ve been vegetarian but the menu read minced meat. The salad was old, it must have been around for a while, waiting for me to order…
This was the first time i ran out of a restaurant to opt for rain. Need I say more?

Walking around my usual corner, on my usual street, something unusual caught my nose. What is this sweet, spicy aroma drifting through the city air? It flowed in front of my perked face, like a dancing wave of flavorful particles and I followed the trail all the way to it’s source. A delectable little cozy spot, manned by a sage wizard furiously grilling behind a simple glass counter. He was mastering a beautiful dish of meat and sauces and as he yelled in a gruff manner to other passers by (order up!) he perfectly perched a plastic plate on top of the counter.
A young woman reached across to pick up the delectable dish, displaying a rainbow of vegetables and fresh foods, craft-​fully prepared, with an urgency that caused me sudden exhilaration. That clumsiness drew me closer as the plate slid down her arm and onto the floor, gently landing right before me. What a delight, it looked even better than it smelled! From there, I glanced at the cook, who began to howl with laughter at my expression and elation. «Go ahead, little pup, now or never,» he chuckled as he spun around to re-​plate this glorious dish for the human customer. One final reassurance from the female patron, who reached down to pat my head gingerly, and touching my outstretched ears (as most strangers do) «Look at those ears!» she proclaimed, «Tonight is your lucky night, isn’t it?»
Indeed it was. And I BEGAN TO DEVOUR IT.
My uncanny bliss was interrupted by a familiar scream from the street, echoing directly into the corner restaurant: «WINIFRED! Where are you?!» Uh oh. My master has tracked me down. This meal might be my last one here, but it was one of my most memorable of all.
#fourstardogreviews