Dana Iscoff, MA, MFT

I had to write a review to let anyone know what a bad choice Dana was in handling my family case as a Special Master. I really would recommend that nobody use her for any reason. She caused far more damage than any other part of our divorce and literally just wasted two years and caused harm to us and our kids. I recently won the custody battle and we are now sharing 50/​50, so am happy with the overall outcome, but Dana Iscoff was the worst third party involved in our divorce (and there were a lot). She just got in the way, ignored the court order openly, made very few decisions, billed us for work she did not do, barely did any complete work, was unbelievably rude, lazy, obnoxious, etc. She should not be on anyone’s list of recommended providers. I am sure my ex-​wife would agree as well. Dana Iscoff simply elevated all the contentious behavior between the two of us. Dana was a despicable person and should not be given any powers or Special Master under any circumstances. I have to assume any of her good reviews are written by people who see her voluntarily (and thus can leave voluntarily) and the bad reviews are by those who mistakenly allowed the courts to assign her and therefor were stuck. Which makes her an even more wretched person.

Dana is an exceptional therapist. I work with her as a colleague and I have heard through many occasions how thoughtful, kind, generous and compassionate she is with her work. I am quite surprised that she would receive anything less than 5 stars. She presents to you what you ask for: if you want help, she helps. If you want advice, she’ll guide you. If you just want information, that’s exactly what she’ll provide for you — knowledge and understanding. She’s not pushy, she doesn’t have her own agenda and she is an absolute delight to work with. Anyone who is looking for support through separation/​divorce/​custody issue should definitely seek Dana. She knows the custody/​family court industry more than anyone I know. She is an asset to us all. One minute with her and you immediately feel comfortable and safe. She’s great.

I worked with Dana Iscoff for more than 4 years and I think, in so many ways, she gave me the tools to save my life. I was stuck in a marriage to a mean, bully-​of-​a-​husband who did not want to get divorced. Week after week Dana worked with me on strategies and skills that would help not only make me stronger but also set me free. I think she is one of the best therapists in San Francisco. I still carry her number in my cell phone and I literally recommend her at least several times a month to friends new and old. I think she is everything a good therapist should be. She is productive. She is action oriented. She is kind and sympathetic but also bold and visionary. She helps empower you to feel not only better about yourself but moving forward too.

My experience with Ms. Iscoff is that she is extremely knowledgeable and well-​versed. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend her. She has a very caring and warm approach.
(As an aside, I know that some of her professional activities include acting as custody evaluator and special master, which brings her into the middle of some of the most heated of all conflicts. I see that there are a number of reviews that discuss her work in family court, and my sense is that those reviews might reflect the extremely high-​conflict nature of that environment.)

Ms. Iscoff was retained as our Special Master from February 2011 until she resigned June 2012, before completing her two year commitment. After I endured a shockingly hideous term of her behavior, I initiated a formal grievance process with her — she immediately resigned, rather than address my specific concerns.
I have waited a full year and ½ to comment on my direct experience with her, in the hopes that such distance would provide for a more considerate review.
In short, in my opinion, Dana Iscoff is the absolute worst third party professional I have ever encountered during my 40+ years on this Earth — in any field whatsoever. Her conduct as SM is directly related to her service as a Family Therapist.
She is jaded, hostile, cynical, biased beyond repair, closed-​minded, offensive, and utterly unprofessional. It is only because of the lack of accountability in the Family Court system that she must be able to retain any professional credentials, or continue to be approved and assigned cases.
During my entire term with Ms. Iscoff, I consulted with another court approved Family Therapist, who, upon reading all of the communications between Ms. Iscoff and I, told me that, in their opinion, Ms. Iscoff operated «beneath the standards of her profession.»
In my opinion, Ms. Iscoff put my child in harm’s way by her conduct, and it would be unconscionable for the court or lawyers to put other children at risk by placing their fate in her hands– to any extent in the slightest.
Ms. Iscoff likely believes my opinion has to do with a perception of «winners or losers» in situations like this, or her perceptions of my personal issues. I can assure everyone that there are only losers in the Family Court system process, most certainly children. And Ms. Iscoff’s absolute rigidity to false «perceptions» without any curiosity or basis of fact is just a small part of her unprofessional conduct. Ms. Iscoff is utterly unconcerned with the truth getting in the way of her immediate, preconceived delusions.
My opinion of Dana Iscoff is the sole result of my experience with many other professionals over the same time period. I was made aware of other clients who share similar horrible experiences, but might be afraid to comment publicly for fear of retribution. Any such retribution, by purposely increasing hostility between parents during a troubling time for their children, only tears apart children even more.
I agree with the concern: it is Not beneath her…

Dana Iscoff has been my therapist for many years. She has an uncanny ability to understand not only people’s problems, but the deeper subconscious issues that motivate them. She has helped me immensely to have a better relationship with my children and parents, to move on from a broken relationship and form a new healthy one, and to be more successful and happy in other areas of my life.
Don’t be put off by the negative reviews. Dana does a lot of child custody evaluations. Almost always, at least one of the parents is extremely upset with the evaluation findings. Not surprisingly, often the «loser» in these custody battles is motivated to discredit the evaluator or mediator who called them on their stuff. And if you don’t think people make things up, you have never been through the family court system.
The ONLY aspect of the negative reviews that resonated for me is that Dana will «call you on your BS» — which is part of what a good therapist is supposed to do. But she always does it in a caring and professional manner. I am moving on from therapy as a much better person than when I started with Dana,

I saw Dana a little over two years ago with my then-​wife and, under the difficult circumstances, could not have been more pleased with the guidance and direction she provided us. She was quick to nip in the bud the irrelevant arguments my ex-​wife and I so often collapsed into.
My ex and I saw her for about 5 months and with each session, I found my trust growing deeper and deeper. Even though the sessions were difficult at times, I knew she always had my son’s best interests in mind. This was made clear by her delicate yet direct reminders that this was not marriage counseling but mediation. I have heard countless horror stories of custody battles and their outcomes and am confident that Dana was an integral part of ultimately assuring our child would be brought up in the most stable and nurturing environment possible.
I generally reserve my Unilocal reviews for great coffee places or delicious new restaurants. In this instance however, I felt compelled to share my experience in hopes that a fellow Unilocaler, in search of a great mediator, will come across this review and give Dana a call.

Ms. Iscoff’s interactions with our family 17 years ago were similar to those of the first reviewer. We had no choice in remaining with Ms. Iscoff, as she was our Court appointed Special Master. I would strongly advise anyone who does have a choice to stay clear of Ms. Iscoff. Other families may be unable to report their experiences given the legal power Ms. Iscoff has over their children. It is only now that I am able to.
My children’s father, call him Jon, left our family for a neighbor, hiding her two children for several weeks from their father. Jon then involuntarily committed his girlfriend, and the doctors offered to commit him as well. Later Jon demanded to see my children.
Jon insisted that his visits with my children be under court supervision, which is highly unusual. The supervision continued for nearly a year. Due to limitations in court resources, the Judge transitioned Jon to unsupervised visits. At these unsupervised visits, Jon engaged in activities leaving physical marks. Based on what my child told his pediatrician, the doctor reported these activities to Child Protective Services. These activities were later confirmed by a distinguished pediatric psychiatrist treating my child, and visit supervision was resumed. Even during these supervised visits, the psychiatrist noted that Jon inappropriately stimulated my toddler.
Ms. Iscoff was then assigned by the Court as the Special Master to our case. Ms. Iscoff ordered unsupervised visits with Jon. As with the first reviewer, Ms. Iscoff simply dismissed Jon’s activities as «history» and discounted the reports of the medical experts. Worse, Ms. Iscoff demanded that my three year old visit Jon without my older child present, so that my toddler «can build a relationship with his father». When I raised the concerns of the medical professionals, Ms. Iscoff said, «I think you coached your child». She accused my 7 year old of sexually molesting his little brother. Ms. Iscoff warned she would have me held in contempt of the Court if I tried to hold my toddler back from alone visits with Jon.
Ms. Iscoff also insisted that her services were critically necessary to our family, and must be paid for promptly. When I explained I had little money, she told me to go to my family, specifically my mother and sister, and get loans from them to pay her. When Ms. Iscoff heard I had a record collection, she insisted that I sell this, and some of my clothing, in order to pay her quickly. I did so.

When two people can’t communicate and they go to a mediator to help the expectation is that the mediator will discern how each person communicates best and then help them communicate together to resolve painful and sensitive issues. It is inherent in a mediation that no one will walk away with everything they want — but a good mediator can at least help them each feel like they got some of their needs met.
Dana Iscoff is *not* that mediator. I don’t believe I have ever encountered a person less suited to be in the ‘helping’ profession than her. She has made no effort to get acquainted with what brought my ex and I to her door — she waived her hand and said «everyone has a history» and just dismissed it from there. She has repeatedly rolled her eyes, shown contempt, made outright false accusations as to my motivations, sneered at my efforts for compromise, insulted me, and implied that I am stupid, selfish, don’t love my son, am co-​dependent, thoughtless and irrelevant.
Even if any fraction of those things were true… a good therapist guides her client — she does not alienate them with insults. All of this has happened in only two visits, folks… just two visits in which she has done not a scrap of due diligence in helping my ex and I talk to each other over a huge emotional divide.
I didn’t go in to her office expecting to «win» but I did expect at least a compassionate hearing of my feelings and she has been clear that she could care less. She claims to be objective and to use objective sources, but she does none of the clinical or critical thinking that is necessary to mediation — she is absolutely, positively horrible.
Please do not make the mistake I have made and trust this woman with any issue near to your heart — she is not compassionate, she is not professional, she is not a ‘helper’. I wish I had researched her more before just trusting the referral that I got to her service, I might have found someone better and spared myself a lot of pain.
Run from this woman’s office — run screaming if you have to — but don’t trust her… she is a monstrously bad MFT.