Little Caesars Pizza

Damn, «Caesars» is hard to spell. I don’t know why. Oh, wait. Yeah I do. Because I’m stupid.
But this review isn’t about how stupid I am. It’s about how cheap I am.
When I searched for LC’s on Unilocal to see if it had been reviewed, Pastaria popped up. Little Caesars is the opposite of Pastaria. I think. I’ve never been to Pastaria.
Little Caesars is good pizza. Put that side-​by-​side with any of the Big Three, and seriously, not really much of a difference, except Little Caesars is probably better. It’s the one thing us poor people have. Usually we have to eat shitty generic grocery food and watch TV on bunny ears and shit. Little Caesars is the glimmer of hope we have. It’s the one slice of dignity we have left. We may be poor, but Goddamnit, our pizza is just as good as yours.
I’m the laziest person I know, and often times my lazy self fights with my cheap self.
Lazy: Uggggh, let’s just order a fucking pizza. You earned it. You put in a good 30 hours this week. You should get a medal for that.
Cheap: Delivery??? Are you high?
Lazy: No, that would involve too much effort. Go get me the phone. Or fuck. The computer. I don’t want to have to talk to another human being. Computer. Now. Let’s order a pizza.
Cheap: NO! We talked about this! Then we have to pay a delivery fee! AND TIP!!! Fuck that. We have bills. Plus, you know you’ve had your eye on that light clapper cuz you’re too damn lazy to flip a switch.
You get my point. Anyway, I’m not saying Lazy never wins, but with LC’s on my side, Cheap at least has a chance.
I am deducting one star because of sometimes-​false advertising claiming «hot and ready» pizza, which half the time means «not prepared or ready» pizza, which you have to wait to cook, which in their oven takes like 3 minutes (while Lazy bitches at you the whole time).
Word of advice: If ordering Italian Cheese Bread (which I suggest that you do), don’t call it Italian Cheese Bread. That would be so amateur. That would be like me mispronouncing gnocchi at Pastaria. Call it ICB.
It doesn’t matter how rich you are. You can still go here for a 5 dollar pizza. It won’t kill you. In fact, use this place to exploit the lemmings back at your office. Be all like hey, I’m gonna need you to work late tonight, but don’t worry, we’ll bring in dinner for you.
5 dollars can buy you a LOT of free overtime from salaried schmucks. FOR REALS.
(P.S. It is no coincidence that this is located by a Petsmart. No Friday night is complete for a CCC without a Little Caesars Pizza and some new cat toys to spoil your furry playmates! My life is so the opposite of pathetic.)