Metro Storage

«I love my storage unit, it’s nice and big. I can store anything I want in there, except a rotting pig.»
~ Tom Megalis
What is it about storage facilities that bring every drug-​addled, lithium-​taking, stanky-​armpit-​smelling, cross-​eyed freak-​of-​nature out of the woodwork? Rolling doors and padlocks must represent Nirvana to these mutants because they flock to storage facilities by the dozens, chain-​smoking cigarettes and generally tweaking out while they visit. It makes a relatively normal person wonder why they keep stuff in these facilities…
Granted, not EVERY person who stores their belongings in a storage facility is a tweaker. In fact, one in 11 households in America rent some form of self-​storage space to store the crap that they can’t fit into their houses. From Christmas decorations they use once a year, to sporting equipment they’ll never use again… from personal trinkets to office supplies… from winter clothing circa 1983 to comic book collections, the plethora of storage facilities speak to the fact that we’re more willing to rent an extra room to hoard our poor life decisions than to actually turn around and try to sell it on Craigslist… or better yet, just get rid of it.
After three years of moving around the U.S. and the world, I unloaded my stuff from Metro Storage’s ‘Catacombs of Consumerism’ on Saturday for the last time and closed my account. I’m done with storage. I’m a free man. A little older and a little wiser. No more sharing the elevator with ingrates for me. No more wondering if people are storing dead bodies in the unit next to mine. And no more paying people to store shit I never use anyway.
Thanks for letting me keep my stuff there Metro, but I’m out!