Monkeynuts

My pal Tom has been living in Crouch End for a while now, but it always seemed so far away. So the significant others in our life going away together seemed like the perfect reason to finally visit.
Tom was doing an experiment to see if he could be vegan for January:
, so I encouraged finding somewhere to grab a filthy burger — I know I’m cruel.
Monkey Nuts as it happens, do a vegetarian sweet potato, kale and bean burger, which, with a few substitutions, (sweet corn relish rather than aioli etc) became a vegan burger. He washed it down with a coke from a glass bottle: the tastiest variety of coke!
I can’t condone any of that meat-​free rubbish, so I opted for a double-​stacked Nuts burger, hold the onion & burger sauce, extra bbq sauce on the side. I paired my burger with an Oreo milkshake which I managed to drink before the burger arrived…
Unfortunately, when my burger arrived I took a big bite and got a mouthful of mayonnaise-​based burger sauce. I can’t eat mayo, it makes me yak, which is why I specifically ordered it without having any.
Fortunately, the service was excellent and they took the burger away to make a fresh, leaving me to eat the fries whilst I waited. I was also given a bottle of coke to get the mayonnaise taste out of my mouth, on the house which definitely helped. When the new improved burger 2.0 arrived, sans mayo, there was a new fresh portion of fries too.
The burgers were very nice and the décor was trendy and modern. The area we sat in was full of families and small children who seemed to be having the times of their lives colouring in!
I’d definitely recommend it.

I’m surprised that there aren’t any «current» reviews of Monkey Nuts. It’s a reliable enough, family-​friendly, eating spot in central Crouch End with good food, relatively attentive service, and a range of beverages (yes, that means milkshakes for the kiddos if you so desire. And wait for it… Cocktails for the mums and dads! Yes!) that’ll make you smile. I’ve had steak here before which is passable (there is «aged» meat and a-​g-​e-​d meat, and this variety could hang for double the time in my opinion), the burgers are good, nachos are good, ribs are okay. There are colouring crayons for the kids +menu. Staff are approachable. There are a teetering tower of high-​chairs, so you won’t be sitting with a bub in your lap. They have Sunday papers, peanuts you can shell, a bar you can sit at if you want to shoot the breeze with the staff. Not everyone is en-​famille, there are lots of couples having a meal so don’t be put off. This place ticks a lot of boxes.

This is American theme steak restaurant. I didn’t love– steak not great quality and not well cooked. But what was worse for me was service– slow and inattentive. They don’t make it feel they are glad you’re there– and got my drink wrong.

Mediocre at best. Nasty wine, rubbish food with mildly pleasant staff. Much rather go to the kings head who have a respectable pub menu and nicer drinks. Id recommend this place for a short cheap one off lunch only.

Great comfort food. But too packed with kids at the weekend. Cocktails could improve. Friendly

As a family we’ve been coming here since it opened. I’m very sad to report that it has seriously gone down hill.
Been twice over the last month and both times very disappointing. Slow, unfriendly service and totally over priced. £60 for 3– and that was mains and one soft drink only. And the food was not great. Will be closed within a year.

Really hated the place and this is why:
Not a busy afternoon and we were seated at the table for 2 which was en route to other tables and waitress constantly swiped my hubby’s chair going past. I would understand if it was busy. Food just OK. Service is bad; apathetic waitresses without any real eagerness to serve a customer which is fine but forced 12.5% service charge is added to the bill automatically. I asked for the bill and the waitress forgot after leaving us for ages, then brought a menu for coffees. I reminded her I want a bill and she said she forgot. Fair enough but after that we waited to pay as she was wiping tables. By this point I felt asking her to take service off would delay us further.
With a meal we asked for tap water which came in a bottle with glasses of like 50ml something a toddler would drink out of. It was ridiculous and I had to refill for every drop. But service is my pet peeve actually, pretty non existant so they really should rethink the automatic charge on the bill otherwise people will feel motivated to leave reviews like mine.

Great food not to pricey. Worth a drop in. If you’ve got friends over

After the loss of Pick More Daisies (RIP) I needed a new place to call home in Crouch End for my infinite burger appetite. Monkey Nuts won out. The burgers are good, not great but the chips are decent, good size, good food. I mainly go during the day so don’t see the masses of kids. Normally I’d give it a three but the amount of times I’ve bowled, hungover as f******ck and demanded the brekkie is beyond countable. All the dishes are great and have saved me from the worst of the morning after. They never mind that I go in alone and the coffee is damn fine. Heard it’s been slipping but when it’s personal they’re still top drawer for me. Cheaper than Banners as well.

Unfortunately the food sucks. Sorry to be blunt, but I really want to love this place. They have great beers, cocktails and funky booths. However, the food lets us down every time. Our most recent visit was the last straw. My wife had a steak medium rare, it came out well done, like shoe leather and my burger was raw. Both had to be sent back and it was strange what happened. The waitress brought my burger back a minute later and surprise surprise — still raw. Another minute passes and she plonks my wires new steak down. Two minutes to do a medium rare. She cuts into and it’s raw, we’re talking fridge cold. We couldn’t eat our food and the best that management would do is take a glass of wine off our bill. So we paid thirty pounds for a meal that we did not eat. We will NEVER eat there again. I’ll post a photo so you know I’m not exaggerating.

I am in Monkey Nuts as I type this with my 8 month old boy. .. . We have been relegated to the ‘comfy’ chairs as the table I self selected was apparently reserved. .. no sign of punters anywhere near it and 10 minutes later still no one. .. not to mention no sign on table depicting it’s ‘reserved’ status.
Conclusion I draw here is that the table is not reserved, however, my lone Corona is not costly enough for be to deserve a table on Saturday miday.

my 12 year old son would probably give this place 7 stars! (he got the tshirt, literally!)
Ther food is nice and the platter we ordered was good value.
We’ll be back for sure :)

It’s fine, and there’s not that much more to say. That’s probably not enough considering the tough competition in the area, but I am sure Monkey Nuts will continue to do well since it’s got a ridiculous name and a prominent location.
I like the feel of the place and the tone of the markets. Dividing the wine list into catgeories like Fine/​Decent etc is a nice touch and made me chortle (not that difficult).
Obvious problem with this is running into issues of trading standards. For example, I would argue that my «Delicious Olives» were not. If they had called them «Probably-​from-​a-​tin-​and-​quite-​non-​descript-​and-​overpriced Olives» they would have been much nearer the truth.
My wine was OK-​ish, but also didn’t live up to its description.
In its defence, my friend’s fruit martini was absolutely delicious, and the sofas near the front were comfy and good for lounging. Plus I got to hear and amazing conversation from fellow diners (Person A: «What does Steak Frites mean?» Person B: «Pieces of Steak») but I am not sure the venue gets complete credit for that.

When did Shoreditch merge with Crouch End? This place is frequented by the trendy of N8 so unless you are there to be seen you may feel uncomfortable in Monkey Nuts. It’s strange as the décor is family friendly and and low key. I mean yes there are monkeys everywhere, you’d expect that, but they’re on shelves around the room, the theming is unobtrusive.
We only wanted drinks originally so weren’t allowed into the main part of the restaurant but just remained on the sofas by the bar. This was no bad thing. The sofas were huge leather concoctions, and so comfy. I could have easily fallen asleep had the company i kept not been such fun. They are obviously doing something right because as the evening progressed the restaurant became rammed with an ever growing queue waiting for tables. It was good to be slightly removed from this chaos.
Being the piggy i am, i obviously got the urge for food and the staff kindly agreed to serve us snacks at the sofas. Before i come to the food, let’s revisit the staff. Good on the eye, any awareness of customer service i would say was absent. Not actively rude, just lacking any impulse to help customers. When we asked for the bill, for drinks, for food, they generally looked us at slightly confused and then after talking amongst themselves for 5 minutes came over to see what we needed.
So, to the food. My mate ordered Fabulous olives. Not fabulous. At all. I ordered nachos with chorizo. The nachos came with the cheese having been missed off. A cardinal sin in my book; what is any meal without cheese? The chorizo was very tasty though.
I wasn’t blown away by Monkey Nuts, but i think i could be tempted back to try more of the food if there was a quieter opportunity where you weren’t on show and you might receive adequate service. If someone asks me again what i thought of Monkey Nuts i probably wont waste words; i’ll just shrug my shoulders and move on.
SECRET TIP: I had a French Martini cocktail. It was amazing. I don’t often drink, but i’d be more than happy to break this rule time and time again for this rather sexy pink number. The tiny monkey cocktail-​glass charm was a nice touch too.

The food here is brilliant so with that respect its hard to not want to come back. Think american diner cuisine but done very well with generous portions and a good honest price (£6 — £15 a main). The décor and staff are also good —
However not being a parent I struggled to cope with the noise and atmosphere creating by the many screaming kids that are always present here. Its through no fault of the restaurant but maybe a good suggestion would be for a separate section to be created for people with and without children. If this happened i would most certainly come back but quite frequently on a sunday when i’d kill for one of the great burgers on offer here I will instead choose to walk past. Having said that if you have children i would imagine this to be a great place to come!

Egad! I will never go back to Monkey Nuts.
The staff were lack lustre and jaded and the food below average and overpriced. We both ordered the ribs (£14.95 each!) and side salad and potato wedges to share. Unfortunately one rack of ribs was much tougher than the other one. So much so that it had to be sawed off the bone. It tasted different to the other rack and the meat was much darker. When we asked a waitress about the ribs she listened impatiently and then said ‘oh maybe that one was the last of an old batch.’ Great we thought that sounds appetising. She offered to ‘maybe speak to the chef’ but she didn’t bother. We asked for the bill and had to request the potato wedges be taken off (they never came.)
It’s obvious that Monkey Nuts is trading on former glories and needs to buck it’s ideas up. We came because the ribs were recommended and left feeling ripped off.

Good pit stop in Crouch end offering grills, steak, burgers, salads etc; food and service are good, the music can be a bit too loud in the daytime — fine for evening, but not when you want a relaxing lunch.
Excellent for the kids, they have a kidsmenu and colouring in stuff for them if required.
Prices are reasonable.

Monkeynuts is a steak house and wine bar which is a meat lovers delight. Though there are some vegetarian options the focus is on burgers and steaks. The menu is largely American themed and, though we didn’t realise until after we’d ordered, it also comes with American-​sized portions.
Not straying too far from the name of the restaurant the decorations are monkey this monkey that from the mini plastic monkeys dressing the drinks, to the barrels of monkey nuts, to the stuffed monkeys spread throughout the joint and to the various monkey pictures. Kind of cute really.
My friend and I both opted for ribs and shared sides of onion rings and potato wedges. The ribs were massive (strangely in contrast to the shot glasses we were given to drink our tap water!) The bones on the ribs (beef ribs) were the biggest I’ve ever seen prompting me to wonder whether they had come from a small dinosaur rather than a cow.
For the first time in probably quite some time I couldn’t even finish half my ribs. Disappointingly we left a whole heap of onion rings and potato wedges too (both of which were delicious.) At first neither of us were going to take the leftovers home but our waitress seemed so disappointed that we 1. couldn’t finish and 2. didn’t want to take the leftovers home that I buckled and took my leftover ribs to the fireworks then home.
I quite liked our visit to Monkeynuts. Good service, very kid friendly (not that it is high on my list but could be good for some) with their crayons and colouring-​in placemats some of which are displayed on the first floor, decently-​priced food, availability of root beer and tasty food. Wish there was one of these nearer to home!

What the h*** kind of name is Monkey Nuts, it’s so obtuse and repulsive you just have to go in. They serve your basic bar and grill kind of food. It is averagely priced £6 for a hamburger £12 for a steak. There is a kids menu as well, for after you have taken them on a day of shopping at all of the toy shops in Crouch End. It is just a cool restaurant that attracts a young crowd. The best thing about it is the name really. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat here but if you are in the area and fancy a nice burger then I say go for it.

The restaurant is airy and spacious with a modern décor. The portions of food are very generous and more importantly flavoursome. The wooden food boards add a quirkiness to the table as do the cocktails served in jam jars.
The service is quite good but can be quite slow. This is a very kid friendly place and gets very busy and overrun at half term and weekends.
The prices can be steep but it is based in Crouch End so it is to be expected.
Overall it is a great place for a good hearty meal.