Tease Gentlemen’s Club

Tease is the kind of place you’d only ever go if you’re so socially inept, so utterly useless, so pathetically shy and so dismally immature that your fingers are raw from writing 8008LE55 on a calculator, that the only female company you ever experience is borne from pity or money.
So on my most recent visit (my 12^th? I lost count when it hit double figures), I wasn’t surprised to pay the tenner per «sexy» dance, which you give to a man who then provides your chosen object with a dollar bill. Why? I’ve no idea, and I had less interest in finding out than I did in the boobs I was about to ogle.
Said dancing girls are pleasant enough, and come in a variety of shapes and sizes (for the fussy pervert), but if you can find an ounce of dignity within your black soul, there’ll become a point where the chestpillows in your face become transparent and all you can see is the reality that, were it not for cowardice, the hands that you’re currently sitting on would be wearing the leather thin on one of the local bikes, but instead you’re paying some rich cunt charging £3.00 a Guinness to have one of his under-​educated, underpaid ladyslaves demean herself just to afford enough to keep her single-​mothered daughter out of a frosty, wintery grave.
And not even the retrospective, dance-​fuelled masturbation fixes that.
Believe me.

Tease, Tease, it’s the home of sleaze. If there’s one thing that’s bound to blast any shred of manhood out of your mind, it’s standing awkwardly at the bar here like a child who’s lost his mother in a department store. A department store populated by strippers.
Pretty much just a bar and a load of seats, I’m sadly not enough of an expert on lady lumps to know if this place is any good or not (honest, mum). If I ever have to organise a stag night, I might do another research trip here, although the convenient roll of five pound notes I’d just happen to take would be for the bar and the bar only. You can’t prove otherwise, dammit!

One of the smaller clubs in the city, tease has a smaller selection of dancers on offer than say X in the City, however this does mean that it is much less crowded and a quieter atmosphere.
£5 entry before 11 (£7 after) and £8 for a dance, Tease is a good place to go for a stag night, as they offer to organise it for you.
Obviously it is also a conveniently located venue to stumble into on a night out and is a bit of a laugh on nights out with a group!