Iceland

I have to hand it to Iceland: In this recession busting time they’ve managed to keep their prices rock-​bottom. Right now, you can buy chicken, beef, lamb, prawn or vegetable baltis for the bargain price of £2 per dish. If you prefer Chinese to Indian, they also sell steak, prawn, chicken and beef & blackbean stir-​fries for the same silly price.
The problem is, I had the misfortune of trying a few and they look, smell and taste dreadful. As you’d expect, the texture differs slightly dish to dish but they’re all equally dire. Guess you get what you pay for when it comes to food and Iceland is all about quantity over quality.

In a village which also boasts an M&S Food and a branch of Waitrose this is your bargain alternative. Despite being fronted by two of the most odious television personalities on the face of the earth (former mum-​of-​the-​year-​who-​will-​spill-​all-​for-​the-​price-​of-​a-​kebab, Kerry Katona and potty-​mouthed horse-​frightener Colleen Nolan) I will admit that I have a fondness for the frozen food purveyors. Yes, the food is mainly beige in colour and identical in taste (the BBQ bumper pack is filled with a collection of indiscriminate morsels that look like frozen props from an alien autopsy hoax) and some of the food should just never be available in frozen form («cheesy beans and sausage — only £1») but if you’re short of funds and after something to fill a hole you would have to go a long way to get as much frozen swag for less cash. Spend £20 and you’ll be eating, not wisely, but probably too well for several weeks.