The Grapes

Best pub in the world. and the bar staff aren’t too bad!

I recall sitting at the bar when I happened to look down at the floor and see a woman crawl very slowly towards the door on her hands and knees. She had a smart black dress suit on (perhaps at a funeral?) and she was in her 60’s.
She made it to the door wriggling like a snake. No one commented, no one helped her. This seemed normal.
It wasn’t until an ambulance turned up outside the door that the patrons seemed to show any acknowledgement of what was happening and that was a general feeling of annoyance that the blue lights on the ambulance where ‘flashing too brightly’.
That was when it was called the ¼ Gill. I hear it’s went ‘upmarket’ now with toilet paper in the toilets and also ice in your drinks.
Never had a bad time in here!

This is where dreams go to die. I wish that I could leave the review at that and warn you never to come here. Living close by I pass this place frequently and its aura just makes me want to run a warm bath and listen to Jeff Buckley and cry. I went in there once by mistake, confusing it for another pub and it was one of the few mid-​stride u-​turns I’ve ever done. Amusingly I wouldn’t actually have been allowed in there as it’s over 25’s only. I think they’re being a tad optimistic there, as the lowest age in there is at least double that.
Outside the pub has its own mini-​climate, a natural phenomenon caused by an ungodly amount of smokers puffing away consequently forming one of those cartoon style clouds over their heads. You can be guaranteed to see at least one punter storming out every few weeks with a torn shirt or something similar just generally shouting abuse, aptly confirming the name as The Grapes… of Wrath

If only there were a 0 star rating option!!!
I have the misfortune of having this pub pretty much at the end of my street, and to be honest I’ve put off having to review it for this long because I really didn’t want to have to set foot inside. That may sound a bit pre-​judgemental, but let me expand…
At any given time of the morning/​afternoon/​evening there will be at least 3 people over the age of 45, with about 6 teeth between them, smoking their 500^th cigarette of the day in the doorway whilst already absolutely wasted. Whether they’re shouting or singing at whoever happens to be unlucky enough to walk past is really anyone’s guess — I think it’s been a while since these guys said a sentence that wasn’t all slurred into one long indecipherable word.
How this place ever got a license — it’s only just opened a few months ago — I have absolutely no idea. Once you step inside, you immediately understand (and are extremely grateful for) the fact that the windows are frosted. If you’ve ever watched Shameless and are familiar with their local, then you’ll know the sort of thing I’m on about. If you’re not, you’d probably be horrified, so I’ll spare you the details.
Even if you’re an alcoholic at risk of dying if you don’t get a drink, and this is the only pub left on earth, don’t do it.

OK, I walked in here even though I wasn’t supposed to. You see there’s a sign outside that says Over 25’s only. Curiosity got the better of me and when the completely drunk middle aged women and men who were smoking outside were not looking I sneaked in (the things are do for Unilocal), only to be confronted by a rather surprised bar maid and other clientele getting pissed .The bar maid yelled at me and I think she said: What are you doing in here hen, but I’m not 100% sure.
I live up the street from here and there are always drunk people standing outside, be it 10 in the morning or 10 at night. And it always stinks of beer and cigarettes from the outside. Nice.
I was surprised to see a rather modern interior. It was recently refurbished and you can tell. Plus it was clever of them not to put a carpet– much easier to clean. But whatever you do with a place like this you will never get rid of the smell of beer, fags and general unhygienic.
It’s a big no no.
But the local middle aged drunks like it so cheers to them to finding a non-​student packed hang out.

Formerly known as the ¼ Gill, The Grapes has a dodgy reputation amongst the Newington area — in fact, it is one of the few rare places I have been explicitly told to avoid.
Never one to turn down the opportunity to try some where new however, I bravely entered the Grapes, having made it past the grizzled drunk old men — and having ignored the ‘Over 25’s Only’ sign (which I hasten to point out is not a legally enfocable claim) I stepped inside.
I wasnt suprised by what I found, a grotty old bar, full of drunk regulars and generally an unwelcoming atmosphere. Its not until later I realised this place has an early opening licence and is able to sell alcohol from around 6am.
Generally, this place is awful, i really dont think I will be coming back.

This is one to look out for.
The Grapes is one of Edinburgh’s early licensed pubs, and is usually open at six in the morning. Accordingly, you can expect a combination of hardened regulars and space-​cadets still on the go from the night before.
Probably not your cup of tea if what you’re after is a classy, refined bar to share a cocktail with the missus. Don’t be too surprised if the police make an appearance for some reason during your stay.
This pub has a lot of history behind it, and has been a pub since the 1930’s, and has renamed itself about half a dozen times. It now goes by its original moniker.