Halifax

SWINES!
Everyone’s got a little money tub. It’s where all those useless coppers live when they exist your wallet. Well, yesterday, I tallied up my coppers. «EIGHT POUNDS! That’s enough to buy food! Excellent.» I thought. I set off into town, walking at a jaunty pace and looking forward to cashing my eight pounds.
«Hello Halifax! You are a bank! That means you can take these worthless money bags and give me real money in exchange, right?»
«No.»
“What do you mean no?”
«No. You aren’t a member of this bank.»
«But…»
“No. Go to your own bank, treacherous peasant. This one isn’t for the likes of you.”
«Fine. Didn’t want your rotten Halifax money anyway.»
Then I realised that my bank is HSBC. Yes. That SkyNET run, digitized hellhole where the only humans inside are dead-​eyed automatons incapable of basic human interaction much less converting some money into other money. Faaaaaaantastic.
However, Halifax does have one saving grace; everyone queues up outside the one cash machine without realising there are another three inside. This makes my morning balance-​check/​weeping-​in-​the-​street-​due-​to-​poverty routine much faster, which I’m eternally grateful for.
NB: If I see you using one of the cash machines inside, I’ll just assume you’re doing so because of my advice and so will have no qualms about shoulder barging you aside and using it instead of you. I feel it’s my right as the Grand Discover of the Other Machines. Also, if you see me, you should refer to me as The Grand Discover, or I just won’t answer you.

I have issues with this bank because the cash machine outside ate my card and left my stranded without any money. Halifax being my actually bank I decided to go and tell them what had happened and asked them if there was another way I could get some money.
Anyway they were hopeless, they didnt seem at all concerned that the machine was eating cards for no reason and told me there was nothing I could do to get any money and that I’d have to go to my local branch or phone up and wait for a card. Luckily I had someone that I could borrow money off to get home. Grr