Tan Tan

In order to make this review more efficient, I am going to divide the problems the business is facing into 2 categories.
1. More minor, teething-​problem type issues, that will hopefully (for their sake) be cleared up in the long-​term
2. Major, serious issues that will result in the imminent failure of the business if not addressed immediately
— — —
I booked a table for 4 at 19:30, which I consider a pretty standard time to eat. I had a voucher from a well-​known voucher company, which (alas) I pre-​paid for. The manager wasn’t enormously polite when I booked, but I figured he was having a bad day, or whatever. We arrived on time, and ordered around 19:45.
The starters arrived an ENTIRE HOUR later. During that time, we were not asked if we would like more drinks. We also were not updated as to what was going on. The only contact we had with any staff was when the waitress came back after about 15 mins to tell us that several things we had ordered from the menu weren’t actually available. There was also an hilarious moment when we were brought glasses of water intended for another table of annoyed customers. We kept them, for the lulz.
During this time, most of the other guests left the restaurant, conspicuously not paying or leaving any tips as they did so. We could hear apologies from the very junior staff, and it was obvious that people were unhappy. The manager appeared to spend quite a bit of time hiding behind the bar (he used to run the Queens Shilling, so I supppose he was regressing to a safe, warm, familiar place in the hope that all the bad noises would go away).
Starters:
Awful, with no thought put into our dining experience, bad presentation and terrible cooking technique.
I had Tiger Prawns in Harrissa sauce (sounds divine, no?). The prawns were pregnant (bellies full of little eggs) which revolts me, and is, in my book, bad cooking form– even if they’re safe to eat, they look horrible in that state. I also think it’s unethical to harvest pregnant creatures (though this isn’t Tan Tan’s fault directly)
On top of this, they were served in their shells in the piping hot sauce. So what am I meant to do, just shove my fingers in there to fish ‘em out and de-​shell them? Or wait for them to get cold first? Decisions, decisions…
I also had to ask for a bowl for the shells and a finger-​washing bowl. In any case I didn’t use them. I sent the tragi-​prawns back to the kitchen, with a tear in my eye for the hundreds of wasted prawn-​lives.
The staff didn’t bother to collect the finger bowls, so eventually I left them on another table on my way out for a smoke (I hadn’t eaten my starter so I could, in good taste, smoke between courses. Also, i was bored out of my mind by the wait).
Main Course:
Arrived sometime after 10PM. 2.5 hours after we sat down to eat. This kind of delay is simply unacceptable.
My lamb tagine had 4 or 5 pieces of ‘lamb’ in it, that were actually hunks of bone and gristle with a few edgings of meat. The vegetables in the sauce had been rendered somewhere close to liquidity due to overcooking. The sauce itself lacked any flavour at all. There also simply wasn’t enough of it (a classic Woody Allen-​esque case of ‘terrible food, and such small portions!’). If you’re making this type of food (which I have at home, with better results), there simply is no reason to run out of it. You make a massive pot of it to begin, and make more as required.
I guess Tan Tan don’t do it that way though. Baffling, really.
Plus points:
1. We got a free drink (after about 2 hours of tedious waiting around)
2. We got a bizarre apology at the end. The manager said «sowwy» in a baby voice to us (!?)
Minor problems:
1. Staff casually and openly chatting to friends or showing no urgency with a restaurant half-​full of furious customers.
2. A manager that appeared to command no respect from his staff
3. A manager who spent too much time fussing over one specific table of guests (obviously his friends)
4. Not enough salt and pepper shakers for every table to have one
5. Taps in the toilets that we couldn’t turn off
6. No thought put into the basics of dining– where to put shells, when to bring out more cutlery, etc.
7. No cigarette disposal boxes outside, so the butts had to go on the floor (which is technically against the law).
8. Inexperienced staff that couldn’t remember basic orders (though they were young, and obviously flustered)
Major problems:
1. Customer service. Apologies were grudging. Staff had given up on decent customer service by 8PM. No professionalism from anyone.
2. The manager. At one point, he poured himself a glass of wine to go with ours, saying he’d had a bad shift. !Newsflash for the manager! We don’t care. And drinking on the job is enormously unprofessional, even at the best of times.
3. The food. Very, very poor. 2 of our side dishes were literally a can of tomatoes, a can of mixed beans and some spinach in a bowl. They tasted as though the beans hadn’t been rinsed
4. Poor ingredients