Stanmer Tea Rooms

Breaking news! Went there yesterday and got friendly, SMILEY service… Hold the front page!
Seriously though — what a difference. I had a guest from overseas with me, and it seemed rude not to treat him to a cream tea. It was well worth it. Let’s just hope they keep it up…

This is a lovely little café in the middle of the large stammer park. If you’re walking your dog, having a bit of a cycle or if you decide to go to stammer park for a leisurely summers walk with some friends (who wouldn’t want to?!), the Stanmer Tea Rooms is a great place to sit down in for an afternoon cup of tea and a slice of cake — they have a good selection of delicious looking home made cakes (and pastries), or for a light lunch they do great toasted sandwiches, baguettes, jacket potatoes, and a cooked breakfast. It has a quaint and traditional interior for a tea room café and you’re allowed to bring your dog inside so that he won’t get lonely as you munch away! There’s also a pleasant outdoor seating area so when it’s warm it’s an attractive place to sit and admire the nature of this picturesque park! The food isn’t amazing but it’s still filling and satisfying, the prices are fair and it has a nice family-​friendly atmopshere, so if you want something different, go to stammer park and have a slice of cake!

Stanmer Tea Rooms have got a good gig going on, and don’t they know it. They will get custom from the many walkers that go through Stanmer Park and the surrounding footpaths, whether or not they are friendly, so they’ve dispensed with smiling altogether. The lack of cordiality aside, Stanmer Tea Rooms does provide an essential (in my opinion) service. I don’t like going on long walks that don’t feature food/​drink in them somewhere, and this is really the only place in the area. Their cakes are a little bit expensive for what they are, but they are a tea oasis in an English countryside desert. Plus it’s a good place to get a bit of animal contact when it’s busy, a kind of unofficial petting zoo. I can’t fit a pet in my tiny flat so I always look wistfully at other people’s but so many dog walkers come here you can generally stroke someone else’s. I know that sounds weird but I strongly miss having pets so it’s nice to have a dog to play with even if only briefly! The last time I was there the hunt went past in their full regalia which was an impressive and evocative spectacle.

Stanmer Tea Rooms, the only place for a cup of coffee in the whole of tiny, quiet Stanmer, is actually a bit of a let down. Designed as a stop off point for ramblers, drunk students who thought they’d walk out of Sussex campus and the occasional serious walker, they serve the basic teas and coffees, as well as a mixed bag of cooked breakfasts, ice creams, and a bit of classic British pub food. None of it is particularly good, but then again, in this area, what choice do you have?
Stanmer is a sleepy little town, incongruously placed inbetween Brighton and the Sussex University campus, and most Brightonians and students give it quite a wide berth. This isn’t out of anything to aggressive or violent: there’s just little to do in Stanmer, beyond walk through it on a walk through the countryside. It is quite picturesque, an effort on the part of the village green preservation society no doubt, but there’s only so many times you can walk through it.
Stanmer Tea Rooms is the only commercial enterprise in this little town, it seems, and thus run the café/​restaurant business for anyone who happens to be passing through. I doubt the locals spend much time here, although tourists flock in in their droves. When there’s nowhere else to go, eh? If there was, I probably would, as the tea rooms are pretty overpriced, and not much of what’s on offer tastes of anything at all. Still, if I’m hungry and in the area, it’s either this or… well, it’s this. Better than nowt.

When I lived on the University of Sussex Campus as a student, one of my favourite things to do was head up through the trees, down into Stanmer Park and up to the tea rooms. Then, all bundled up in my coat, scarf and hat I’d purchase a cup of tea in a nice little blue and yellow mug along with a Kit-​Kat, sit down outside and happily dunk my chocolate while I watched the world go by. It was a great way to force myself to leave my computer screen and relax for an hour or so mid-​essay.
This place is a little village café, but given their rather lovely setting I guess they can get away with calling themselves a ‘tea room’. Usually full of parents, children, dog walkers and dogs, this little tea room always feels homely and friendly. It’s not impressive and it’s not trendy, it’s just nice. And that’s what I like: simple, small and serving a damn good cup of builder’s tea.

Stanmer Park Tea rooms seem to be another of those Sussex tea rooms that strives to define idyllic. Their location in Stanmer Village is like stepping into the picture on a shortbread tin that your Nan has been keeping since the 1950s. The whole area seems to be the result of a dedicated conservation effort with and ethically run farm and plant nursery close by. The only Tea room in the area with a stunning location to boot, they seem to have priced themselves on the higher side but they have a great selection of fair (more akin to a café than a tea room really). Sadly the ambience and service let the place down a little. You might expect that to be the case if you visit at the weekend when the place is packed out with families and screaming children, but the same impersonal approach to service is still partially in residence during the week.
Definitely worth a visit but try to avoid the obvious busy times as this place packs out quickly.

I have to agree the staff are not cheery (the young ‘waiter’ in particular looked like he really didn’t want to be there), but they did provide sustenance at an affordable price and did offer to cool the hot chocolate for my kids and provide a straw without complaint. It certainly isn’t Costa, but then if you want that type of thing go to a Costa!

My experience wasn’t nearly as bad as Coldman’s, fortunately for me!
It’s true that this is more of a straightforward park café rather than ‘tea rooms’, and caters for the wide range of people (and lots of families) that visit the park in summer. The interior is fairly cramped (so not so good if it’s raining) and could do with some refurbishment, but there are several benches outside at which to sit. It does get busy in summer, too, when service tends to become a bit more haphazard. But it’s OK for a cup of tea or an ice-​cream.
However, with all the space in the park, it seems a shame not to bring a picnic!