Ward End Park

I lived for 30 years on an adjoining road to Ward End Park (W.E.P) and knowing what I know of it I was shocked, shocked I tell you, that there was actually anything over a 1 star review for the place. I was all up for writing some more of my usual unoriginal, sarky pretentious shit that I happily pass off as reviews… ‘The way the light glints off the tinted BMW’s of smack and crack dealers by the tennis courts, how the hypodermic needles make a delightful ‘crunch’ when trodden upon as well as the suicides, rapes, robberies, beatings, racial/​sexual attacks, prostitution and time the police we’re asking questions locally, trying to find out who had put razor blades down the children’s slides’ etc etc… Maybe with a few local facts thrown in, opened in 1904, bandstand demolished in the 50’s, used to have a putting green — my usual bollocks… it seems I would have been wrong to do so, apparently W.E.P is an Eden of leisurely activities, not sniffing gas or drinking cider but cricket, football and dog walking. I mean nice dogs, not the ones with ripped off ears that you know some evil Cunt uses to fight other dogs for cash. A community centre, that wasn’t full of wannabe gangsters selling dirt weed, acting ‘bad’ because, in a few years time they’ll inherit a second hand Honda Civic from their older brother! As well as fishermen and joggers, not running from the police or doing a snatch and grab, but jogging!
So in keeping with that misplaced romanticism, I’ve decided to put myself in a child… Erm, the child is me, (if that sounds any better), aged 7 ½. I think its the only way I would be able to write something positive about W.E.P, so here goes…
W.E.P is my favourite place in the world to be. On a Sunday morning after the cartoons on channel 4 have finished, about ten O’clock. Keith (my uncle), Sam (Keith’s Boxer dog) and I go to W.E.P. Despite being a chubby little Cunt, (mom’s words not mine!) Sam and I race up the hill, in my case slower and more galumphing than Sam and we wait for Keith at the top. Keith always walks slowly up the hill, carrying my army backpack that has got my ‘good toys’ in and smoking a cigarette. I’ll never smoke when I grow up… I saw a News-​round special on how dangerous it is! I think the paleness in his face has something to do with him and dad going to the pub last night. He certainly isn’t as happy or as chirpy as he was yesterday, when I was trying to watch ‘Allo ‘Allo and hoping they’d be out before Challenge Anneka comes on. He and dad were drinking cans of beer and watching the snooker before going to the pub, dad was using my big Thunder Cats glass AGAIN… Anyway, Keith finally gets to the top of the hill and passes me my backpack, I put it down and take out my repeater air gun and tin of lead pellets. I fill the guns thin spring loaded magazine and click it back into place in the handle. The pellets go in my pocket and the bag is done up and handed back to Keith… it still contains my best toy.
After I’ve shot my fill of imaginary enemies, sent my faithful hell hound Sam to attack the monsters that are coming after us and chopped the heads off flowers with my penknife, I point at the backpack and ask, «can you set it up please Keith?». My crossbow, it used to be just a toy. It was made of wood, had a soft elastic and thin dowel bolts with suckers on the end, then one day dad took it off me and said «I’ll make that better». When I got it back, the prod was made of a much tougher wood, the new elastic was too tight for me to pull back on my own and I could only pull the trigger using both index fingers. When it was fired with one of the dowel bolts, the force smashed the flimsy piece of wood to splinters against the fence. That was also what happened to the next 5 that dad and I fired at the fence. A few days later Keith gave my dad some metal bolts with razor sharp tips that he’d made on a lathe in work,… Keith sets the elastic on the prod and pulls it back to the latch, hands it to me and calls Sam over to a safe distance. I place a bolt in the flight groove and fire, I honestly believe those holes in the tree trunks will still be there 25 or more years later. Eventually we walk the rest of the way around the park and past what Keith tells me is Pob’s house*. I believe him entirely, so I ask why can’t we go in, to which Keith tells me because its Sunday, which means Pob is getting ready for his show. Pob is the reason why we have to leave the park before 12:30, to get home, get out of my playing out clothes and red wellies and to get my dinner and Ribena. I then sit on my own in the front room watching Pob and scoffing roasters and Yorkshire pudding. After that, its a few hours play, followed by bath, Bullseye and bed… making sure I wake up to watch Spitting Image, with lowered volume at 10:30.
* * * * * Ward End Park definitely gets 5 stars from me and my hell hound. * * * * *
By Illegalsmile aged 7 ½.
* Hodge Hill Constituency Office.

been here twice now for a run, it is a typical large park with road track for people go to the other end or for jogging. there are many kids play and also sports arena like cricket and volley. It is occasionally use for carnival on weekend
this is the only decent running park in the area unfortunately running is not popular around this area (Washwood Heath, Small Heath, Saltley). I guess it’s true when they say there were very few runner in Birmingham.
the pond is nice with ducks floating or resting on the track-​side but it is so dirty filled with dirt and bottles. It really needs some cleaning

This is a large park to come to for all sorts of activities. It has a steep hill/​slope leading to its lower ground (at one point of entry) there is swings and climbing frames here, climbing the spider web to the top can reveal some of Birmingham beauties like the city centre and beyond. There is also a small basket ball/​football enclosure there for the adults/​kids to play. Right next to that is the community youth centre.
At the upper part of the park is a huge divided into two parts of land, both sides are where sporting activities mainly take place like football and cricket. This is also where joggers and dog owners go to leisurely.
There is also a medium sized pond at the bottom of the upper part of the part where there is ducks and fishes. Fishermen are there sometimes.
Right beside the pond is the tennis court which is of a decnt size.