Park Hotel

Oh dear.
The hotel promised a fair amount upon arrival, such as a park view and carrying a nigh-​on £80 price tag for the night. When pulling our rented Mondeo into the forecourt, the car suddenly looked at home…
That’s it yes… The Brend hotel was a relabelled Ford garage unless I am very much mistaken! Even down to the blue oval Brend logo that slotted into the silver frontage of the building.
In short, for nearly £80 I got a single bed that had all of the comfort of broken concrete, staff who had all of the enthusiasm of lobotomised narcoleptics and the breakfast looked like it had spent time in a blender.
I arrived at three minutes before 2, to be told that I could not order lunch, because they ceased serving at 2pm. Not a good start on the customer service front. I ventured to my room (that was completely out of the front entrance of the reception area and across the car park) and entered my pink-​carpeted digs. Not the largest of rooms, with the aforementioned single bed taking up the majority of the space. The bathroom was even tiny — if you sat on the toilet, you could burn your face on the heated towel rail, if that was your kind of thing. It’s not mine, but each to their own…
After the gig, we joined the many coffin dodgers that were also residing there in the bar for a drink. The male bartender was super-​polite and helpful, but the female (I think she was female, but I can not verify this assumption due to the Hitler attitude and slicked-​back, heavily gelled hairdo) bartender was so full of passive aggression it clearly sent us the message to go to bed as it was nearly 11:30!
The staff were friendly at breakfast, but the Full English was a write-​off in the Ford garage. Uncooked bacon, the cheapest, rusk-​filled sausage and soggy hash browns all mixed together with nasty baked beans. Bön appetit!
Wi-​Fi was not free, which winds me up — it is no extra cost for the hotel to provide this.
The Gideon Bible ninjas had not visited my room. Possibly they were thwarted in their efforts by the grumpy Hitler bartender.
I will give this place a miss next time.