Open Adoption & Family Services

This review has been a long time in the writing. Just over three years ago I made the choice to place my son up for adoption. After ample research online I chose open adoption and family, because of their willingness to give equal opportunity to same sex and single parent applicants. I lived in Spokane at the time and traveled a good ways to work with OA&FS.
The counselors there were very accommodating and did a lot to make me feel comfortable. As I got closer to my delivery they actually came to Spokane to meet with me so I did not have to travel so far. Submitting my needs for expenses to be compensated was easy and they made sure I was taken care of. It was very hard for me to accept help from the agency, especially at such a delicate time in my life, but they did not attach any shame to this for me. I really needed that at such a delicate time in my life.
I loved the letters and profiles they provided to me which made it simple picking a family. I also have loved the connection I have built over the last three years with my chosen adoptive family. I know my son was placed in the very best circumstances because of the diligent work and screening of OA&FS. The follow up counseling and other services they have provided me have been amazing. I never intent to find myself, again, in such a delicate place but if I did I would only accept OA&FS as an option for placing my child. They let me make the choice on who would raise my boy and simple facilitated it.

Ten years ago my husband and I began searching for ways to become parents, knowing that a traditional pregnancy wasn’t possible. As soon as we discovered OA&FS, we knew we had a way forward that would work for us, our child-​to-​be, and his or her birth family. We first went to the short evening informational session offered by OA&FS, and found that all of our questions were answered in the most humane, thoughtful, child-​centered way. Each time we wondered about why the agency’s practices operated a certain way, the answer always came back to what was best for the child, first and foremost, and also what would be most supportive of the birth parents.
So we began the process of preparing for adoption, which with OA&FS meant reading several very good books about the ethics, issues, and possibilities that can arise in an open adoption. Then we attended their intensive 3-​day preparatory seminar, which continued to develop our understanding and answer our questions. Next we completed all of the paperwork to get «in the pool» as a prospective adoptive family, including photo collages, auto-​biographies, a home study by the agency, and a «Dear Birthparent» letter meant to aid parents considering adoption in choosing the right adoptive family for their child. To my mind, this is one of the most powerful aspects of the open adoption process facilitated by OA&FS: that the birth family selects an adoptive family to parent their child, and thereby knows that they are making a positive and proactive choice for their child’s life.
Throughout the application process we were well supported by counselors at the agency, and when our counselor came to our home to complete the home study, it was clear she was there not only to confirm that our home was a safe and nurturing place for a child, but also to get to know us well so she could continue to support us through the process. Once we were «in the pool» and waiting, we began attending the agency’s monthly meeting for waiting families, which offered both moral support and critical information. In the couple of «screening calls» from possibly interested birth families that we received, we felt well-​informed and caringly treated by any OA&FS counselor we spoke with. Thanks to OA&FS, that year of waiting was painless, and actually helped prepare us for the arrival of our son.
Which finally happened, on Valentine’s Day, with a call from our counselor: «You’ve been picked! He’s a healthy baby boy, born yesterday morning. How soon can you be in Oregon?» Hours later we were in a birthing suite, hugging our new son, his birth mom, many members of her family, and our OA&FS counselor.
Now our boy is a fast and funny first-​grader, who just lost his third tooth. Over the past years our relationship to his birth family has deepened and expanded, and we love them just as we do all our relatives, including learning to appreciate each others’ gifts and quirks! We talk on the phone, send e-​mails and photos, and visit each other for birthdays, holidays, or just for fun. Our connection to OA&FS has continued as well: agency picnics and parties are ways to reconnect with our beloved counselors and meet other birth and adoptive families. And whenever we have questions, as our son grows up, the counselors have been there and ready to help us answer them.
Our son’s birth mom occupies a very special place in his life and heart… he knows in ways both small and profound that he is deeply loved by her, and by us.
This is the true gift of open adoption, and the goal that all of the skilled and dedicated OA&FS counselors are working towards: that children like our boy will never doubt that they were wanted, never wonder where they came from, and always know that they are loved.

This agency’s dedication to openness and respect for all parties to an adoption is simply some of the finest and most humane social thinking-​in-​action that I’ve ever encountered.
I’m under no illusion that adoption situations are simple or easy, or that any agency taking on those complications on a daily basis could be perfect. But when my adopted son’s birth mom was looking for help with the adoption she had in mind, she contacted several agencies, and OA&FS were the only ones who, from the first word, treated her with respect, kindness, and without any assumption that she would ultimately choose to follow through with an adoption. She knew that they were the right people to work with because no one else she contacted even came close.
But wait… why do I know this? Because 7 years later, my son’s birth mom is a beloved part of our family and has been since the crucible moment that she asked my wife and I to be her son’s parents… which is the same moment we made the most profound promise of our lives by saying we would. She and my wife and I have all been a part of sharing my son’s adoption story with him since before he could speak. My son is not confused. He knows and loves his birth mom, understands who she is for him, and has a profound and loving connection to her. And he knows just as surely that my wife and I are his parents. The unbelievably dedicated counselors at OA&FS provided the foundation for this success right from our first contact with the agency.
As an adoptive dad in a genuinely open adoption, OA&FS has made a profound and positive difference in my life. As if the privilege of being a parent in this world were not enough, I’ve also gained an extended family. We’re close and loving with whole swaths of my son’s family of origin. We’ve been to weddings. They’ve come to birthdays. I can solidly say I would rather be a part of this open adoption than to be the biological father of a son. Again, it was the OA&FS counselors that created this possibility alongside us through their careful, brave, and heartfelt work. Though I’m sure this all sounds blissful –and it is– our adoption was not free of difficult circumstances. Putting it together took a phenomenal amount of heart and trust from everyone involved, and OA&FS was there at every turn. What’s more, in the intervening years we’ve availed ourselves of the agency’s free life-​long counseling policy, to be sure that we we continue to make good choices for everyone as our son grows up.
The pre-​adoption education and preparation that OA&FS provides to adoptive parents is thorough, necessary, and powerful. It is so important for adoptive parents to enter an adoption feeling honored rather than entitled. And it is so critical for mothers considering adoption as an option (and their partners and families, if involved) to feel respected and not pressured, no matter what path they choose. This is the path through adoption that OA&FS strives for every day. What’s more, –and this is truly the mark of a dedicated and humble institution– they have been willing to constantly re-​examine their process and improve it. They never assume that they have all the answers or have found the one true way. If it can be made yet more caring and more respectful, they will make changes in order to achieve that. Very few, if any other agencies can match this level of self-​reflection and openness to change.
But wait… how could I know this? Because, as a high school teacher at an independent school in Seattle, I’ve created a social studies course about adoption. My class brings in guests from every part of the adoption constellation: birth parents, adoptive parents, adopted people, people searching for families of origin, independent adoption lawyers, and adoption counselors. When the counselors from OA&FS have visited my class, I’m always impressed to learn about the changes they’ve made in their process, outreach, communication, and even in the fundamental language they use for adoption. Invariably, these shifts are put in place to make the inherently challenging process of adoption more child-​centered, more humane, and more acknowledging for everyone involved.
As part of the class, my students and I research adoption agencies from across the country. We’ve yet to find one that truly compares to OA&FS in terms of policies centered on kindness, self-​reflection, dedication to openness, and respect for parents and families considering planning an adoption for their child.

First of all, let me start by saying that I am a birth mother and it has been 7 years since the birth of a beautiful baby boy that changed my life.
A little back story, at 15 I became pregnant and didn’t tell anyone. Not my mom, nit my family, not my friends, just my dog… He was the only one I talked to. This was because of a family dynamic. At about 15 weeks i went to planned parenthood. This was the only time me being pregnant was ever anything I even accepted myself. I talked to an advocate, got some very pushy guidance on my options, and left. It was at that moment I knew in the back of my mind, when this kid was born, I couldn’t do it on my own and I’d find someone who could. I didn’t go any further than that. No research, no care, I even went into denial about being pregnant at all.
Fast forward 25 weeks. I went into labor early in the morning and continued my denial and my day. Finally, 12 hours later, my contractions were less than 2 minutes apart and I couldn’t take it anymore. I called to my mother and the conversation went something like this:
«Mom. I’m pregnant. I’m in labor. And I need to go to the hospital.»
«Okay»
She didn’t say a word and I didn’t offer her anything. Shortly after my boy was born she just asked me, «what do you want to do?»
There was never any question in my mind, I am going to place him for adoption.
I hadn’t heard of open adoption and the hospital brought me quite a few pamphlets on different agencies. I knew because of my religious beliefs I didn’t want a super religious agency but I still called around. So many agencies told me how bad it was I waited until after he was born to call and they wouldn’t help me, others were condescending about all the questions I had, and many had that judgemental tone as soon as they found out I was 16. I was feeling desperate and finally I placed a call to OA&FS.
The lady I talked to was very informative and offered to send one of their counselors down to talk to me. I was very confused by the idea of still being a presence in my sons life after the adoption but to me it felt right. Within an hour I was talking with someone who made me feel respected and was very informative and wanted to make sure I understood The process. We went through the steps of getting cover letters and home studies and long story short eventually I chose a family. They were from Seattle and as I was in Salem, I had quite a wait for them to get there. Throughout this time I was contacted multiple times by the counselors just to make sure everything was going well. I never felt pressured, in fact I was told many different times what my options were to change my mind.
During the adoption process their were many hiccups. Not from anyone in the agency but personal issues on my part. They were so patient and worked with us every step of the way. The lawyers walked me through everything and never made me feel like a bad person for the issues that came up. We set up an agreement with the adoptive family for visitation and pictures ect. And both sides were able to come to an agreement.
After the adoption process I remained active in the counseling services offered and also went through the agency to go and speak at high schools about my story and how open adoption worked for me.
And that’s exactly what it’s done. After 7 years I have an amazing relationship with my little man and his family. OA&FS guided us their.
I would love to go on about how amazing the family has been in the openness of our adoption but that’s not what the purpose of this review is.
What I will say is the miracle that has been my open adoption would not have been facilitated with as much love and care as it has been without the support and continued guidance from the amazing team at OA&FS.

Okay, I am probably not the typical OAF client. I adopted as a single parent through OAF and have a wonderful, beautiful and healthy 15 month old daughter. I was only in the adoption pool for about 30 days and I was delighted with the expediency of the process. That was the really great part! I tend to be impatient and I was grateful things moved quickly. But there were problems along the way and many, many frustrations. For the downside:
I visited all three offices and had multiple counselors. We agreed on the financial parameters but things kept inching up. Well, not inching up, leaping up. Originally I had said I had a cap at $ 10K in pregnancy related expenses. The OAF counselor brow-​beat me to pay more. And more. Finally, I just had to put my foot down and say enough. The birthmother disappeared with the vehicle I loaned her – something that probably wasn’t the wisest decision on my part. I had to pay to ship it back from the Midwest during the winter. Many times I was made to feel like I was a bad person because I was firm in my boundaries. All in all I am not sure I would recommend OAF, though. There seemed to be a mentality that as a reasonably well off financially individual I was an endless source of money to pay the birthparents. I likened it to a «Robin Hood mindset.» I have asked to be removed from OAF’s e-​mail list and to have communications cease. I have not attended the social events and I probably wouldn’t go EXCEPT for the sake of my child. I do have a good relationship with the birthparents and I text regularly because it’s in my daughter’s best interest. I appreciate that open adoption is the best for my daughter and I am committed to making this happen despite my overall feelings about OAF.