Elite Event @ Mainstage Comedy Club

What the… I didn’t write a review of this? Dear god I suck.
This event, on the other hand, didn’t. Not that I remember much of it, except running around in a wig, plastered on green beer, and trying to steal drink tickets from under Laura N’s nose.

My St. Patrick’s Day started around noon, at Brouwer’s, then to Hales, the to Kells. (I’ve got some Unilocaling to do). As memory serves, and it isn’t serving much, Quinn R met up with me at Kells as I had happened upon some free passes allaying the deadly $ 20 cover.
We then cabed to the Mainstage and from a bright Monday evening to the dark bowels of Green Beer Land we descended. Because of the many many beers I’d enjoyed and was enjoying I’m afraid I missed more than a few Unilocalsters I’d been looking forward to seeing, but alas, the Unilocal reviews read out loud, almost makes me wish there was an audio option for the Unilocaling!
Did everyone get some of the free pizza? What a great ploy, I had to order a whole because the Kells Corned Beef wasn’t cutting it as dinner.
Ok, can you tell from that review that I’m still hungover.
I’m loving the hoodie and the memory blurs! So much fun, great to see everyone! And a huge thanks to the Mainstage, can’t wait to get back!

Last night was tons of fun! The green beer and jello shots combo ended up making me quite drunk by the end of the night.
I met some new people and got to say hi to people I met at previous Unilocal events.
The comedy was fantastic and I laughed quite hard (possibly due in part to the amount of alcohol I had consumed by that point in the evening).
I love my hoodie (and am sadly wearing it as I write this review).
Once again, Michelle did an awesome job and I can’t wait for the next event!

Wow you guys.
I am so impressed with how smart and funny you all are (not sucking up — I really have been enjoying myself). I enjoyed the show. I hope you will all come back and enjoy the pros — we bring them in every week just for you.
I will archive the show today on
where you can regularly view the coolness going on in our venue.
Thanks for annointing our club. I shall never look at bananas the same way again.
BTW — open mic comedy is Tuesday at 7.

Instant 5 stars! Excellent venue and show! Unilocaler reviews were even funnier when read in their own voice!
Awesome comedy club, drinks and food; I will definitely come back to this place to see some of teh funnies.
Thanks again to Michelle for putting it all together and many thanks to Unilocal for providing for kick-​ass hoodies!

Until last night, I had walked the earth never having partaken of the highly coveted green beer. Thanks Michelle and Unilocal for helping me to end this unfortunate dry spell!
All the readers had me giving my laughing muscles a great workout.
And the Unilocal Hoodie? Icing on my green shamrock shaped cake.

My first elite event — I loved it!
The hoodie (which I am wearing today — I think it may be time for me to do some laundry…). The buttons (Yes, I’m a button whore.). The green beer and jello shots. Fantastic wait staff. Excellent evening! The reviews (and the condom presentation) left me laughing hysterically.
And after Carrie’s review, I will never be able to use the bathroom at the Wild Ginger again. Or at least I’ll bring a screwdriver in with me (the drink and the tool).
(My +1 loved it too. Perhaps this event was inspiring enough to turn him into a Unilocal-​er?)

I walked in kinda freakin… where are the familiar faces? Shit I am totally sober! I have to be outgoing… Damn IT!
Anyways, I calmed down, drank a green beer or two and mingled. I LOVE my hoody, and meeting some new people I hadn’t met yet.
Erin and I sat in the front row (in REALLY comfy) chairs, and laughed our asses off. Diana channeled Scott and Dan’s condom-​palooza kept the laughs coming. Everyone had a good time and Erin and I saw a few Unilocalers at Dick’s afterwards.
Thanks Michelle for a great event.
Again.

Very fun review readings — the second most I’ve laughed at anything Unilocal-​related.
The secret club hoodies that don’t explicitly say Unilocal have excellent street cred.
Let’s just say that Dfens Dan should:
1) Be re-​elited immediately.
2) Be kept away from small children.
Julie/​Michelle, thanks for hosting/​organizing!

I think *this* may have been the Elite event that convinced me I need to lay off the booze.
Thankfully I can curl up in my new Elite hoody and pray for the green beer hangover to end soon.
P. S. Did you all thank the lovely Julie M. for turning the horrible Mr. Lucky’s into a bitchin’ comedy club? I sure hope so.
P. P. S. Michelle B and Laura N. are the best.
P.P.P.S. Nope, I sure *DIDN’T* catch a «snotty, clique-​y, hipper-​than-​thou vibe» from this event. Everyone that I talked to was nice and friendly and total sweethearts, albeit a bit on the buzzed side (myself included). I suppose all the discussions I’ve had with my friends this week about perspective sure do make sense now.

Uh, what’s NOT to love? Comfy seats + beer + comedy + Unilocal Elite = Happy Fucking St. Paddy’s Day!
I loved Diana L’s review, Prema’s made me cringe for her and I literally have no words for Dfens Dan/​Carrie L.B.‘s performance art piece. That poor banana.
Oh, I love my hoodie.

Ya, I heard Craig, Aaron and Tony booing me. Mark my word, they will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon them!!!
Those awkward pauses while reading my review were totally scripted. I was going for a cross between Neil Hamburger, Stephen Wright, and Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords.
The second review I was supposed to read was my Crocodile Café review. I forgot to print it out so here it is: (
)
The green beer was plentiful and the jell-​o shots were good. I met Carrie L.B. (who did a great job with her review) along with tons of my awesome Elite brethren. I got my Unilocal hoodie, which I will wear until it gets nice out again.
Wow, who knew funny reviews would work so well on stage? Prema’s X-​rated cabaret review was 300X funnier when she read it aloud, giggling. Michelle did her Best Friend’s Espresso review (w/​Portland’s Laura N. on the assist). Dan joined forces with Carrie to perform his
review. Words really can’t do it any justice (Okay, I’ll give you a taste: imagine Carrie using the phrase «salami sling»). Diana & Ian’s K. & S. totally knocked theirs’ out of the park.
Overall, the perfect way to spend St. Patty’s Day evening. Thanks to Michelle and Julie for putting this on!
P. S. My humor is dry and sarcastic. I don’t plan on hurting Craig, Aaron, or Tony. Hahaha! That would be insane.
P. P. S. OR DO I?
P.P.P.S. Man, did anyone see Tony’s hair? Did an electrocuted squirrel fall on his head and rot?

Most people who write on the internet do so in large part for the semi-​anonymous nature of the platform. At no point do they expect that they will be asked to stand under hot stage lights in a crowded nightclub and bear their very souls. If they were to be asked to do such a thing, it would be reasonable to assume that they would make some sort of rodent-​like squeak and hide under their mother’s dining room table until the threat had passed.
Those people are humongous pussies — and they most certainly are not Unilocalers.
Here’s to all my fellow readers — ya’ll have GIANT SACKS.
And, as always, way to work it out Michelle — this one was a total shot in the dark. *PHEW*

This was a really special elite event. It was a night of firsts!
It was the first time I went to 7 – 11 to get four packs of condoms, two bananas, a red bull and a can of whip cream. And with my luck it was a female cashier and the first thing I told her was that I’m not going to the Wet Spot or the Power Exchange.
It was the first time that I had to sneak in said groceries past the guy checking ID at an elite event. Usually I’m busy trying to sneak the alcohol out!
It was the first time I got to meet the infamous Julie M
of Mainstage comedy
! The good new is that she does not look like her avatar and her club is really an excellent venue! It’s really spacious unlike most comedy clubs that pack you in like sardines.
It was the first time I got Unilocal apparel. I got a Unilocal sweatshirt! I also got green beer, jello shots and Unilocal buttons though I got de’elited! Thanks Michelle, sucka!
For the first time I met Emily T
and she was sober! Ironically it was her first time being sober since she was 21!
It was the first time I heard a girl say «salami sling», «cock socks», «weenie hats» and «snake capes». Yes Carrie L.B.
read my condomsdepot review
onstage!
For the first time I got to go onstage and put a condom over a banana and eat it. and of course it was topped off with whip cream! I also got to throw condoms at the audience.
And it was the first time I won something! Yes a Mr. Potato head!
Thank you Unilocal,Michelle B
and other Unilocalers for making it a great night! You guys all rock!!!

How can I NOT give this event 5 stars?
The reviews were hilarious and comedic review reading should definitely become an annual event. Count me in for sure!
This time I was braver and I talked to tons of people! Although… I also called myself out beforehand on the talk threads for being shy and lame, and in turn people introduced themselves to me and it was awesome (I guess being lame and shy can be a good and likeable thing!). You all are really as nice and awesome as you seem — thanks for making my second Elite event the best one so far!
Special thanks to Michelle for putting this event together and for being just so darn nice and adorable! Thanks to Unilocal for the hoodies! They are awesome!

Dang Seattle, you certainly know how it’s done!
I’m not sure if it was a green beer+jello shot combo, but these reviews were even funnier when read aloud (and ahem, with visual aids) than when I read them the first time… and you know what they say about the first time…
WhaaaBAM. Instant 5-​star event.
Michelle, I’m taking notes. I may need to get me one of these «Helens.»
(Hey Seattle, you know what else you might know a wee bit too much about? This:
)

Ya, Craig, Aaron and I were booing Matt. What are you going to do about it? Shit, if we had tomatoes we would have thrown it at the motherfucker.
It was a fun night and hopefully we would have more Unilocal events here in the future. Carrie L.B. told me she had some material she was working on and would like to try it at the next event we have here.
A lot of people kept telling me they liked my hair. I think they wanted to have sex with me. Probably because I look like the Big Boy Hamburger Guy now.
Zipzap Zubidy Bop!
*Oh yeah, I actually passed out here when it was Mr. Lucky’s!

Add equal parts green beer, lime Jello shots, a bunch of elite Unilocalers, and some good tunes.
Mix with this lineup:
. Unilocal Addiction — Laura N
. Limericks & Anger — Matt R
. Family Matters — Carrie L.B.
. Kick Ass Granny — Diana L
. Pissing off the Barista — Ian S
. It’s not like it’s X-​Rated — Prema J
. Channeling Scott — Diana L
. Schooled at the Buffet — Dan T
. It takes all Kinds — Ian K
. You’re not wearing any pants! — Michelle B
And you’ve got the first ever 5 star Unilocal comedy night.
Thank you to everyone who read and came out. You guys are STARS!!!

The first thing I did was pretentiously sign in.
Then I snottily ordered my complimentary beer, shortly thereafter I ordered my second (note to self always attend events with drink tickets with +1s who don’t drink… added bonus, safe ride home).
I settled into a table with some friends so we could cliquely chat and catch up. It was a satisfying evening as it did give me the chance to try out my new hipper-​than thou vibe.
The highlight of the entire evening was the hoodies and the reviews.
Mucho props to everyone that stood up to read. (see how I used «mucho» there… a foreign word smoothly added into an english sentence… Now thats hip)