The Clapper

I’ve always wanted the Clapper ever since I was a little Anastasia B. I always got a kick out of the old lady in the commercial who clapped like a deranged lunatic. I too, wanted to clap like a deranged lunatic before going to bed.
Well, my dream came true for a few minutes. I got an early holiday gift from Santa since I was nice this year (not naughty… oh, no… not me… never!). So I actually got the «Clapper Plus with Remote Control.» Well, my fellow Unilocalers, it was the biggest, most disappointing piece of crap EVER. I plugged it into three different sockets to try to get it to work. It worked once I think, but I had to clap a certain way. I set the Clapper to two claps (instead of three), and the interval of silence between each clap had to be just right. The one time it actually worked, I was standing right next to it. That piece of CRAP didn’t work from across the room. THEN, the best part of my whole Clapper experience was after a few minutes of playing around with it, I plugged it into yet another socket, and it sparked and the whole thing burned out! Sparks actually flew and smoke filled the air! THAT DAMN PIECE OF CRAP ALMOST CAUSED MY DEATH!
HERE LIES ANASTASIA B. — DEATH BY THE CLAPPER — R.I.P.