Elite Event: Seasoned Meat At Tucanos

I have been playing catch up with my backlog drafts for a while and I guess this one slip through the cracks… Perhaps the event was so awesome that I was out of words to describe it. I was pretty sure everyone who attended had a meat coma that night. Golden badge checked, Platinum (or black?) badge is next!

Seasoned Meat At Tucanos was another terrific Elite Event brought to us by the wonderful people at Tucanos and our local Unilocalster extraordinaire Jeffrey! The staff at Tucanos took great care of us during the event and served up some excellent meats along with a wide-​variety of sides available at the salad bar.
My favorite aspect of the party is that we were seated at a long dining table, sitting altogether, and had the opportunity to spend more time talking with our fellow Elites. Usually the parties are more of a meet and greet, think cocktail party, and this was more of a dinner party. It was fun.
With excellent food and drinks, some fun prizes from Jeffrey, and the company of some great people this was a GREAT event! Thank you very much!

I have been duped! Apparently, there is a dark side to exploiting and underfeeding the prescient help (you better watch that new intern, Jeffrey). The information my pre-​cogs gave me was true-​ish, and their obfuscations masked their deliciously infernal intentions.
It just so happens that pre-​cognition is a scratch & sniff kind of gig, so when my crew tapped into the Unilocal Seasoned Spectacular, they didn’t just foresee the lavish table encircled by protein-​intoxicated super elites. It wasn’t merely that they felt a flash of covetousness as they peered into the schwag bag and glimpsed the world’s greatest superball. Oh no, they smelled every gleaming offering of bacon-​wrapped-​teriyaki-​mango-​garlic-​rare-​as-​you-​please flesh. They felt, in their hollow bellies, the gratuitous absurdity of the salad bar cornucopia. They knew the madness of Tantalus as round after round of caipirinha flowed down their unslaked gullets. And, truly, madness was the only imaginable outcome of such synaesthetic torment.
Madness … and coggibalism most foul!
Yup, it turns out that P-​C #7 never made it to his new gig. Poor Rüdiger fulfilled the dire prophecy of impaling. The grill-​based « Unilocal» of which I’d been forewarned was a half-​truth in service of their ravenous machinations. When, at last, I stumbled home in a cloud of meaty delirium, but one slice of unlucky Rüdiger remained on the spit. Which one of us finished off that flayed fellow shall remain a dark truth lost to the past.
Such is the all-​consuming power of Unilocal Gold Elitism.

The five stars is not only for a stellar evening but for myself, who I think, was the only attendee to forgo the dubious nature of the salad bar and eat only meat. While everyone else flocked en masse to the torture of green things and beans, I got extra meat. Lovely, extra meat. Also, by avoiding the extra walk, I managed to conserve precious calories.
My apologies to my immediate seated companions for my lack of witty repartee — due to broken ears — except Ryan K who kept trying to make me eat vegetables. What are you, my dad?
Curses, I just realised I did eat a few bites of cake. Can we just call that meat too — so I can keep my five stars. Cool.

Who said chicken hearts aren’t tasty? They are delicious. I try to eat a primarily protein rich diet and Tucanos hit the spot. Thanks Jeffrey for another great event. I loved all the different options and calpirinha drink was delicious. One more year and I’ll hit the golden elite status.

I may have already said this once or twice, about other events… but this one was the best!
We were catered to in a way that would/​should make most people blush. It didn’t faze the Golden Elite Squad. We’re kind of a big deal… or so it would seem from the stellar customer service we received from the crew at Tucano’s. Equally impressive was the over-​the-​topness of the way we were treated by Jeffrey and the rest of the Unilocal crew. We got swag bags, mountains of food and a Brazilian cocktails. How many is a brazillion? The vibe was laid back and all the Unilocalers were UF&C.
Nate’s pre-​cogs were right on the money!

Best SLC Unilocal event EVER!!! Loved chilling with all the fellow Unilocalers again! Loved meeting Christina P and the new intern! Thanks so much Jeffrey for all the awesome planning – I absolutely loved the swag bag full of Unilocal goodies… can’t wait to use my little water canteen & couzie!
Food was great, service was awesome… omg, that salad bar was a festival! Loved the lobster bisque & cheese bread… yummy!!! Loved the selection of meat too… beef, pork, chicken… all was so moist! Oh, loved that they had a good medium rare too! And the addition of fish (tilapia, cod, salmon, swai) too! :D I loved how they changed the seasonings & preparation depending on the type of fish! Some was sweet, some was savory, some was just yummy!
The drinks were also great! That Caipirinha alcohol drink & guava Brazilian lemonade! yummers! Caipirinha was like an alcoholic limeonade with its sugar cane liquor, sugar syrup, limes… and secret ingredient (Josh & I suspect it’s condensed milk)! The guava lemonade is definitely something I will always order! So goooooood! I’m addicted!
That dessert… oh my! So glad my group decided to order all 4 types & do «family style»! I really liked the flan & cheesecake! Both were so creamy! Wasn’t a huge fan of the chocolate cake because it tasted a bit frozen & hard to bite through. The crème brûlée was too much like pudding with a caramelized sugar shell on top. Both those were too sweet for my preference as well…
Service was nice & fast as well! Loved how enthusiastic the gentleman carrying the meat & fish were! The manager was serious in saying that they really hire on personality!
I can’t wait to come back… who am I kidding? I’m definitely coming to be back tomorrow (don’t judge, it’s for a birthday party)! I’ll definitely put my dessert voucher to good use! :)
Thank you again to everyone who helped with the planning & of course Tuscano’s amazing staff for that VIP experience! :) To all my awesome Unilocaler friends, see y’all on Unilocal!:)

Well, talk about a good first impression! My first Unilocal event in SLC, and it will be hard to top.
It was great to finally meet Jeffrey, a gracious host, who tried to give me props for being the most «senior» Unilocaler (since 2006) there without making me sound decrepit. A whole event dedicated to those with staying power was a really lovely idea. Now keep at it, kiddies, and you too may get a chance at a meat-​and-​greet fest like this one.
Tucanos is one of those Brazilian churrasco places that have been popular for the last decade or so. I haven’t been to one since I left Chicago, but it definitely stacked up in terms of quality and (groan!) quantity. I try to avoid gluttony, but when everything was so «well done» I indulge in the «rare» occasion to «pig» out.

This review is in the form of a mixtape that I made just for you.
«And when she shines she really shows you all she can. Oh Rio Rio dance across the Rio Grande.» (Duran Duran)
«I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign.» (Ace of Base)
Gateway, on N. Rio Grande, has an easy to spot parking entrance thanks to the large neon arrow.
«You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.» (Carly Simon)
«Here we are now, entertain us.» (Nirvana)
Huge thanks to Jeffrey S. (our always dapper, infectiously enthusiastic, positive karma generating CM) for putting together such a super fun dinner party!
«Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?» (Lionel Richie)
«How everything still turns to gold.» (Led Zeppelin)
Just as exciting as all the previous Unilocal events but a little different this time around– it was amazing to see so many gold star elites in one place.
«But everybody’s like cristal, maybach, diamonds on your time piece. Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash.» (Lordes)
«No one on the corner has swagger like us.» (MIA)
The Unilocal party gifts swag bag were super-​cool. The water bottle is going to quench thirsts daily this summer!
«Hey now, you’re an all-​star, get your game on, go play!» (Smash Mouth)
«But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for» (U2)
Hit up the infinity salad bar; kept circling it searching for the fanciest Dijon ketchups.
«Working hard to get my fill, Everybody wants a thrill.» (Journey)
«It’s going down, I’m yelling timber.» (Pitbull)
The food was amazing– especially enjoyed the grilled pineapple and the bacon wrapped turkey! Enjoyed the challenge of grabbing pieces of meat off the skewers with the tongs.
«It doesn’t matter what you had for lunch. Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it.» (Weird Al Yankovic)
«Take your protein pills and put your helmet on» (David Bowie)
How I felt after so many cuts of different meat. had to keep going because of the promise of more deliciousness.
«I feel so extraordinary. Something’s got a hold on me.» (New Order)
«And I don’t want to miss a thing» (Aerosmith)
At some point was informed that I had sampled every one of the different skewers. Represent!
«One more shot for us. Another round. Please fill up my cup. Don’t mess around.» (LMFAO)
«Red red wine you make me feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time.» (UB40)
«Put your left leg down, your right leg up. Tilt your head back, let’s finish the cup» (Beastie Boys)
«Take my hand, We’re off to never never-​land» (Metallica)
The house red and the Caipirinha were both absolutely delightful.
«Pour some sugar on me!» (Def Leppard)
«I came in like a wrecking ball. Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung» (Miley Cyrus)
Like a wrecking ball my spoon cracked the caramelized glaze and I demolished the crème brûlée. It was decadent.
«Imagine all the people sharing all the world.» (John Lennon)
Well, we did share desserts and this could be construed as the beginning.
«The arena is empty except for one man. Still driving and striving as fast as he can. The sun has gone down and the moon has come up» (Cake)
Stayed afterwards to visit Happy Sumo and then Bout Time– when we finally left the gate was up mooting the parking validation!
«And another one gone. And another one gone. Another one bites the dust. Hey.» (Queen)
Snarfed down the mini-​candy bars from the much appreciated Unilocal swag bag on the drive home.
«Partying, partying, Yeah! Fun, fun, fun, fun!» (Rebecca Black)
When is the next event? ;-)
«The phone rings in the middle of the night. My father yells what you gonna do with your life?» (Cyndi Lauper)
Unilocal. Of course!

Wow, another meat-​a-​licious elite event! Tucano’s was a very gracious host for the evening. I had so much fun chatting and eating with all of my seasoned and meaty Unilocal friends.
Food was great, drinks were great, company was the best.
I loved my swag bag. The Unilocal water bottle is the coolest and will be used lots! Thank you Jeffrey, the personalized card means a lot. You’re a great CM and an all around awesome dude.

Wow how awesome to dine with the top elite Unilocalers! Tucanos is the BEST place to get your Brazil on. We enjoyed a great salad bar and hot foods including mash potatoes to these amazing cheese breads. Don’t forget the lobster bisque, it’s very good. Once we all sat down, meat skewers came one after another offering tender cuts of beef and a variety of fish. Oh my, the desserts were too much but couldnt resist a taste. Servers were all very attentive. It was great to see Unilocalers in person and of course to hang with Jeffrey and meeting the new intern. A boss lady, Christina from Los Angeles Unilocal,was very cool and personable. An honor to be part of this event. Now I dont have to eat for a week!

Holy cow! (and chicken, pork, fish, pineapple) Jeffrey does it again. Good venue with lots of food, drinks and great staff. But the best part was hanging out with fellow Unilocalers, old and new. Totally Awesome (now try and get that song out of your head)

Great food with great new friends — all Unilocal Elite and with the most seniority by the way, so it was double the fun.
So many types of meats, beef, chicken, pork, sirloin, cod, tilapia… Did I remember them all? We got a meat overload! Everything was delicious. There was also a salad Buffett (all kinds of salads you can imagine!) and side dishes like rice, beans, pasta (and different sauces) — my favorite was the bean salad (with onions, peppers, tomatoes and corn) and the fried bananas… Yum!
Also, the grilled pineapple deserves a paragraph of its own — they were my favorite :)
Desserts were also served. I only tried my own: the flan, and it was delicious!
Thanks for all the great food and great service, and thanks to Jeffrey (and Natalie!) for all your efforts and for putting this together for us!

And yet, ANOTHER awesome Unilocal Elite event organized and executed to perfection by Jeffrey S. Thanks to Tucanos Brazilian grill for hosting and feeding us SO well. I reached my quota for beef and chicken for the next week or so.
And once again, it pays to be Unilocal Elite.