The Histrionic Academy

I’ve gone on a bunch of Salem tours, it’s become a tradition. They can be cheesy, overly dramatic, fun, and even educational. This one had the cheesy down, but it was far from charming. I’ll start with our guide, Reverend Pete. Like some of the other tours, he claimed to be a practicing Wiccan, and he said he was in a leadership role. Maybe this would be one of those spooky tours that talk about hauntings and spirits, that’s cool. Sadly, that didn’t turn out to be the case. Our first stop on the tour was the lawn of the Peabody Essex Museum, which Pete called the «Essex Peabody Museum.» He *hated* the museum, despite not knowing its correct name. He doesn’t think art and hard sciences belong in Salem, just shrunken heads, witches and orbs. Honestly, he was being a total douche, and stepped it up on a different stop, where he belittled independently living elders. His little tirade about the museum served no purpose, this stop was a waste. There were maybe 5 stops, 2 stories about actual historical events (the White murder, which was factually solid, and a story about the witch hysteria that was full of shenanigans), a number of mispronounced vocabulary words (preface, extrapolate), and a lot of «wicca is not satanism» talk. The tour group was huge, probably 40 people, and the last stop was in front of a condo building, which effectively blocked people from entering and exiting their homes. We did get to see a spooky pizza delivery though! This was undoubtedly the worst tour I’ve been on in Salem, and I’d encourage you to go with another that will tell you true (or at least entertaining) stories in a nicer manner.