An Olde Penny Farthing Inn

This place (and their staff) are trapped in a 1940’s black and white melodrama and can’t get out!
We booked two rooms there and here was our experience:
I made the reservations myself. It was an important occasion (my husband and I were not in a good way, it was our anniversary, we were driving about a 10 hour drive to attend a family reunion). I booked two rooms: Their priciest honeymoon suite for us (in hopes of rekindling our relationship) and «another lovely room» as a kindness for my stepson and his then wife.
I’d worked in hotels and restaurants for years so to not take any chances I spoke with both the husband and the wife who own and manage the property (to make and confirm the details of the reservation and to alert them to the fact of our anniversary).
We rolled in to the property after midnight. Although we’d called from the road during the drive there was no way to rouse anyone to let us into their property. We were locked out. It was then that we noticed the roaches. I kid you not, scores of them skittering around all over the front porch. BTW, I used to work for Orkin, these were not «water-​bugs» these were large American and Oriental cockroaches. The place was alive with them!
We stood on the front porch, pacing in place, in hopes of keeping the roaches from climbing into our luggage or skittering up our legs! Finally, in desperation, we contacted my stepson on his cell phone. He came down from the other room we’d rented to let us in. He showed us to our room. No, it wasn’t the «Bridal Suite» I’d reserved and paid for, it was a small and oppressive closet of a room with no window, an unclean bathroom without even a bathtub just an open shower stall left over from some prison circa 1950.
The bed did look inviting, particularly given the hour, but it was weird. It crackled whenever you moved on it! I suppose they forgot to take the plastic wrap of the mattress (or maybe they thought themselves prepared in the event of our incontinence).
Unbeknownst to us, the couple who own and managed the property had bonded with my stepson and his then wife. They had shared the fact that they were members of the same church and in a show of solidarity had elected to switch our rooms! Despite the fact of our anniversary reservation, despite my detailed discussion with both manager/​owners and despite the fact that I had footed the entire bill for both rooms!
Now this place purports to be a «Bed and Breakfast» so part of what you’re paying for is the breakfast. I’d like to tell you that their cooking was delicious and made up for the shenanigans with the room but I’d be lying.
I stepped from the room at about 8:30 in the morning. The wife greeted us with impatience that we were nearing the end of her breakfast time and were thus annoying her. My husband having argued with me over the room, had spent the night in our rental car. Tiptoeing between scores of roaches to get there.
By this time I was disgusted. I shared my disapproval re: the room switcharoo with the wife innkeeper, I then turned and re-​entered our room. Did I mention the walls are paper thin at this dump? Well, they are. Thus, I heard in excruciating detail as the manager/​owner wife scampered up the stairs to «The Bridal Suite» and furiously pounded on my stepson and daughter-in-law’s door. She then proceeded to scream like a rabid shrew, through the door at the two of them!
I collected our things to leave the property, happening upon the owner/manager’s whipped husband in the process. He was kibitzing on the roach infested porch with several guests, and in a misguided attempt to salvage his relationship with them, painted us as a collection of psychos out to destroy his business. A simple apology and a gracious breakfast would have gone a long way to calm the situation; but that would have been asking too much from those two. Both husband and wife are more comfortable blaming the guests and manipulating a bad situation to an even worse one.
The husband glared and postured as we drove directly across the street and booked rooms at their competitor property, «The Seven Wives Inn». The owner of The Seven Wives Inn later informed me that the man and his wife (who are notorious for their posturing in the town) actually called to convince her to refuse us service.
We have stayed at «The Seven Wives Inn» repeatedly since then. That, my Unilocaling buddies, is a lovely property. I’ll be reviewing it shortly.
p. s. My mother-​in-​law, in her innocence, later sent me an article about these two kooks and their property. She is also a member of their church and was impressed that those two dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus at Christmas. Not knowing our story, she had hopes we would stay there next time we’re in town. I’m reminded of John Wayne Gacy (the notorious serial killer) and his stints as a clown for kids’ parties. No one could pay me enough to stay at that evil dump ever again.