The Agency Ultra Sport Lounge

My last review came off a little nasty and the owner actually approached me because he seems to care about his restaurant which is definitely a good thing. Unfortunately for him, I returned just last week and can’t say that I came away all that impressed from any changes.
It was a Wednesday night so there wasn’t much going on sports-​wise which left the place pretty empty. We sat in the bar and were one of 3 tables that actually had anyone seated.
Our server was nice, but not all that attentive. In fact, the bartender came over at least twice to check on our drink situation. It is possible that this girl was the only server in the building seeing as how dead this place was. It’s also possible that she was forced to cater to the Talkin’ Ball crew which was filming in the other room.
The food was good, but not remarkable. Their beer list needs updating. I was pleased to notice Mac and Jack’s on the menu until the waitress informed me that they no longer had it. Sometimes it’s the little things, like updating your beer list to a current selection that makes a place.
Our experience wasn’t awful, but we didn’t take anything away from it that screamed «Man we gotta come back here!»

What’s all they hype?
The atmosphere is very nice and clean, but too much space between everything. It’s really a labrynth of a place to find your friends and the only intersection is the stairway that goes up and downstairs.
The drink is good and music is decent, but can’t identify if it’s a club or a sports bar.

I love the concept. Sports bar upstairs, dance club downstairs. It’s certainly one of the PDX hot spots. However, the bouncer was very rude to my male friends and honestly, I think it’s because they are gay. That being said, The Agency is what it is. A hip pick up joint for the nearly or newly drunk. Lots of short skirts & flirty top. Seemed to be an under 30 crowd. It is in a bit of a sketchy area but I didn’t feel like I was going to be assaulted or anything.
If you’re looking to have a conversation with your friends (or anyone for that matter) do not go during «dance club hours.» The employees seemed to be very snooty & uptight, as if they held the key to a golden city.
I have a feeling it’s the new Betty Ford & will be gone just as quickly BUT if I’m just looking to drink & dance, I’d go back.
And there is a dress code.

I’m writing this more as a past resident in the building whose first floor was occupied by this trashy meat market than as a customer (though I did eat here once for happy hour).
That said, I had a love-​hate relationship with The Agency, though definitely more on the side of hate. This is a sketchy neighborhood to begin with («transitional,» they like to say – ha!), but this joint definitely took it down a couple notches. Weekend after weekend I would be kept awake till the wee hours because of the constant commotion right outside its front door. The tiny upside (the «love» part of the aforementioned relationship) was chuckling at the bimbos – very attractive ones, to be sure – who would get into shouting matches, almost getting physical (fingers crossed!).
The happy hour is mediocre (assuming they haven’t changed it), the food no better than crappy pub fare you’d find at a typical dive – at least there you’d find real Portland characters instead of trashy blondes and slick-​haired meatheads from the suburbs.
Go to The Agency knowing what it is – a nightclub billed as a sports bar – and you won’t be surprised. You might even enjoy it. I hope you do. But when you’re done, please drive safely back to Beaverton, Hillsboro, etc. Thanks for visiting.

Noticed this place a while back and finally stopped in last night before a Timbers match and had a pretty good experience.
We sat outside so I can’t really comment on the spaces available inside, although passing through it does seem nice, clean, minimalist. Not the most beautiful place, but they’re going for functional and upscale and I think it captures that.
The outdoor spaces is, well, outdoor space. Its a decent, clean metal table and chairs with an umbrella. It was a bit windy, but it was a gorgeous day and lots of interesting people watching.
Had a terrific mojito (and yes, there are plenty of places that don’t manage this seemingly simple task) and a very, very tasty burger. My friend had a chicken club that looked great and he said he enjoyed it very much. Also had a couple of Ninkasi IPA’s so prop’s on having good taps.
The service was quite good, bordering on aggressive. Several different girls came by very frequently and everything we ordered got there very quickly. The place wasn’t very busy and there seemed to be a TON of people working.
Part way through the meal a nicely dressed gentlemen stopped by and introduced himself as one of the owners and asked if we were enjoying ourselves and if everything was as it should be. It was a little awkward, but now that I’m reading all the negative reviews perhaps they are trying to make corrections.
The private spaces look very nice and I understand they have XBOX lounges you can reserve and have multiple XBOX’s for a serious group game night. Big screens, leather couches and full service. Might have to give that a try sometime.
Going by what others have said, this place might be going through some growing pains, but I saw enough positive to give it another go in the future. I’d say this is a nice change of pace from the usual PGE neighborhood sports bars. Variety is good, right?

If I had an extra thumb, Agency would get 3 thumbs down.
I went with a group of friends about an hour and half before a Timbers game expecting to eat sports bar food and drink a few rounds. When we arrived the place was almost empty, we where seated immediately in a nice big booth. Then the un-​fun started.
It took 10-​minutes for the staff to figure out whether they could serve the happy-​hour menu in the dining room. It took 20-​minutes for our first round of beers to arrive. In between the wait staff disappeared. We finally were able to order several appetizers, which should be quick to prepare, but waited another thirty minutes for the kitchen to whip them up. In the meantime we put in another round of drinks which again took twenty minutes. At this point a theme was developing.
By the time the check arrived we were all pretty grumpy. Great time to find the bill had twice as many items on it as we had ordered. Another 15-​minutes were burned straightening that out.
So the service gets a big fat F.
Well how about the food?
Sliders: D
Wings: F
Chipotle Cheese Bread (tastes like ketchup & mustard mixed): F
Hummus Plate: C
Chicken Tenders: C
French Fries: C
With all the waiting we did, we quickly realized that every other table was having the same experience. I cannot think of a single positive note other than the silverware was clean and the booth was comfy.
Scathing review? Yes.
Well deserved? Double yes.

I would like to say that The Agency is a «local» business, but it does not seem to attract «locals» who live in the neighborhood. It tries to be upscale where every other bar and restaurant in close proximity is not nor has to be.
I thought at first it might be a nice addition and a financial danger to other bars that cater to the PGE Park game crowd (like the Bitter End and Kingston Grill, for example), but instead The Agency does not feel like a fit. Granted, I have yet to venture inside to eat and drink but I walk past at least once a day and/​or night and have gotten several vibes of the clientele, workers and atmosphere.
On weekend nights the place is packed with people that drive in from other parts of the city and counties thus filling up the scant available parking in the area — I live between 16^th and 17^th and have watched them all coming in and can usually tell where they are headed because they basically all dress the same. They certainly are not going to the real local places to enjoy a nosh and brew. Most of us walk to these places from our homes in the ‘hood.
Outside this club both those that want to enter and those that want to breathe fresh air are all blocking the sidewalk from the rest of us that live here and truly support our neighborhood. Even the security and doormen seem to be oblivious to proper crowd control. Several times I have had to exclaim loudly «EXCUSE ME!» several times before I could get past.
I shouldn’t have to walk a block away or cross to the otherside of the street everytime I am out to run errands or walk my dog.
During weekdays the sound of the exhaust fan rivals clattering trucks going down the road. You can hear this fan almost from beginning to end of the length of The Agency and the apartment entrance next to it. This same fan also constantly blows meaty hot breath downward at your face as you walk by. I suppose this was great during the winter for some of the homeless that frequent the area but seems ill-​designed to me (why doesn’t it blow in a different direction? I have not experienced this type of thing anywhere else in the area).
Now that it is summer, The Agency has put out the tables and the shade umbrellas. On the Morrison side are three tables mostly under shade already. By adding the shade umbrellas to these tables, you now have to duck and/​or stand aside for others walking past. The Agency has tables in the courtyard area that do NOT block walkways and rightfully need the
umbrellas.
Nothing about this place feels comfortable to me nor several of my friends and aquaintances that live in the same area. It would seem as if the owner (s) and designer (s) gave no thought (and concern?) to the location and neighborhood other than being directly across from PGE Park (easy money?) and wanting to also have what they consider to be an upscale dance club.
I have had a couple neighbors say that they enjoyed the food at The Agency and in the beginning the exhaust did occasionally smell good.
I unfortunately have yet to bring myself to enter, even with these couple of positive food and service reports (however, they also shared that it was a bit spendy for what they usually do in the area).
It is said that location is everything.
With The Agency perhaps only time will tell if it will still remain ill-​suited to this neighborhood or find a way to be more inclusive and understanding of its neighbors. If not, I doubt that PGE Park game fans nor débutante wanna-​bes and the meatheads that follow them will be able to keep this «Ultra Sport Lounge» afloat in this economy.

Master of all jerkoffs doorman + Some Blazers partying there same night + VIP service = welcome to the gates of hell.
…and you’re welcome.

I think the place was OK. It was too HOT on the downstairs dance floor. I suggests they put in Air condition there. Seems to be some basket balls players there. with Chic’s trying to hook up with them.
They have different rooms there. A funny thing. one of the bars seems to have an invisible split in the middle. Because, all the guys where at one side. and the girls at the other. Weird? Some kind of high school gig?
Lot of pretty people there. Seems like the place is in trend right now. Majority of the girls wore short skirts or shorts. Definitely not your casual type of place.
The only reason I give this place two star is because they had happy hour on a Saturday night! Yea. get there 9:30. the burger was $ 4 and REALLY GOOD!
i will probably not go there again.
But if you trendy and want to show off! Go for it!

I’d give this place no stars if I could.
I came here for lunch on the first Friday of the NCAA Basketball tournament, but it wasn’t super crowded. However, it took me 30 minutes to be able order food, and an hour after that, I still hadn’t gotten any. The server then came out and lied to us, saying that a couple of people had gotten their orders put in front of ours. When I pointed out the fact that 2 groups who had gotten their food before us weren’t even in the place when we ordered, she apologized and said we were the next people to be getting food. As she left, 2 other people around us got something, and I got more frustrated.
When my food finally came, the server said that it was on the house, and I was somewhat forgiving. Then, my brother ate some of his Club sandwich, and noted that it the bread was not only untoasted, but soggy. Then there was my burger. I’m not normally one to send food back. Well, I don’t think I’ve ever done it before in my life. So, when I took that first bite, I thought it wasn’t too bad. It had BBQ sauce on it, and a little spilled on my jeans, but that can happen. When I took that second bite, though, I noted that it seemed to be a little soggy, like my brothers sandwich bread. Unfortunately for me, the cooks rushed out my order and just seared the outside while leaving the inside uncooked. So, I let the bartender know that I was slightly unhappy with my uncooked burger and I would not want another.
The only nice thing about this was that I did get a free meal and 3 free beers as I «dined and dashed» for the first time ever. Of course, dining and dashing would imply that I ate something and left in a flash, and in reality, I had two bites of food in 2 hours of waiting, and just walked out in disgust.
Please don’t support this place. It was awful. And if you own this place and are reading this, please feel free to ask your wait staff to check on the customers more and watch the TVs & cute bartenders less. I shouldn’t have enough time to finish a beer before being able to order food or go to the bathroom twice before getting it. I don’t drink fast, and my bladder isn’t that small.

If the bartender suggests that you try a special version of a Long Island made with Bacardi 151, Malibu and pineapple juice, DO NOT go for it. That mess was not the business. Tragically undrinkable.
The upstairs maintained a sports bar feel, the downstairs more of a club vibe. The crowd had a lot of energy, the music… eh. But then again I’m much more into dancing to dance/​techno than Top 40 hits. I did, however, erupt into shrieks of delight when they played Kid Cudi (a sizable amount of blame for this embarrassingly unnecessary enthusiasm must be placed on my inebriation from that «Long Island» nightmare).

Man oh man this place blows. I went in a little while ago to watch a Zers game b/​c I just wasn’t feeling like crossing the street to go to the Matador or Kingston, or the Marathon. I also wanted to check it for myself even though nobody has ever said anything good about it. I shouldn’t have done this.
Real Simple, my buddy and I ordered a couple of beers. There was about 15 servers walking the floor and nobody looked to be doing much of anything. The beers were like any other beer I’ve ever had except these were about $ 1 to $ 2 more expensive than most every other bar in town… Oh excuse me, I payed this amount because it’s an ULTRA sports lounge, whatever the eff that means. I just can’t see people being down with this place. From what I hear you can’t wear jerseys or baseball caps on weekends b/​c they’re too classy, yet it’s trying to be a sports bar/​lounge? WTF?
It’s true about the hootchies and douchies in this place, it was full of them when I left after the game. I say after the game because the dudes that come in here don’t even watch sports they just show up to hit on the hootchies around 9pm.
I will not be coming back, this place can lick my taint.
P. S. for some reason they don’t have any cellphone service in the basement thus I didn’t get the calls from my buddies to come across the street to watch the rest of the game until I left.

Beware, if you want to go on a weekend night, you must wear a douchy Don Johnson jacket and a collared shirt, no jeans. I’m not making his up.
Think of all the money they’re turning away in PORTLAND for god sakes. Their loss, and from what I saw, not ours.

I don’t see the point of having an upscale «sports» lounge aka dance club.
Sports is meant to be dirty but with grace and finesse. Well, some can be barbaric and grimy.
Not posh and uptight. Heck, even douche-​y.
I prefer being comfortable when I watch sports. Casual and relaxed.
I don’t want to watch a ballgame, dance and grind with my collars popped and a drink in my hand at the same time.
The price of the watered drinks and cover charge can buy you tickets to PGE Park with a beer or two (thirsty thursday!).
They could try changing the theme for starters and since your location is way out there for a «club» scene, you could give more room to either stiffer drinks or slashing the cover charge by half.
I have yet to try the daytime menu. For partying, I’ll bring overly gelled hair somewhere else.

I was invited to The Agency for my friends birthday party and I was even put on the no-​cover list for her reservation. but when I got there they told me that they were at capacity and wouldn’t let me in (right after we watched them let a group in that they explained were «friends of the promoter»).
And then the next day The Agency added me on myspace and I left them a comment saying how I was upset they wouldn’t let me in the night before for my friends party, even though I was on her reservation… they deleted my comment and now they screen comments for approval on their myspace page… guess they don’t want people knowing how badly they treat customers.

So here’s the thing. If you want a semi-​private event, that has full bar/​food service, but gives you the option of having YOUR OWN SPACE (not just a table reserved, but a private area) where in Portland are you going to go?
Nowhere fast.
«They» will tell you to rent a suite at a hotel (crappy service, mediocre food, often no HDTV).
«They» might also suggest renting out a high end movie theater, and although I’m one for conspicuous consumption, even I have my limits (thanks for at least returning my call, Living Room Theatre).
Finally «they» might just recommend having a house party (and if you’ve ever had to clean up after my friends…).
So…
I threw a mini Superbowl party here. 8 guys and girls who wanted nothing more than endless sliders, wings, whiskey/​wine/​beer/​diet coke/​water and HD football, and to be around people, but not be crowded for space or seating
The Agency delivers. Great slider menu — we never even got to the wings because the buffalo wing sliders were effing delish. The drinks were big, and not too strong, not too weak. Drinkable, and get drunkable. I’m not counting how much per drink — to be honest, it’s the environment and the service that this place is providing, NOT cost/​food item
2 Nitpicks:
Here the big one. It costs NOTHING to reserve any of the private area. Yeah, I say this is a bad thing. That’s because any Laughing Tom can reserve prime seating, and for high provide events, demand is high, and their space is limited. Some of those areas need have a cost associated with the space.
They validate parking, but only for a limited time, and shorter than most sporting events really last. Make it easy for me with full validation with a bar tab (or something).

****Disclaimer****Day review ****For people wanting to watch sports**
So, I went here to watch football and was prepared to hate it. However… I was pleasantly surprised at the nice and efficient wait staff, decent bar food, and… BREAKFAST SERVED UNTIL 2!
My only complaint is when you’re lounging on the couches downstairs (yes I did close my eyes and nap a few times) there is no cell reception.
Personally…great way to spend a Sunday… lay on a couch… watch football… and have food and drinks brought to you. It’s like livin the dream!

Let me start this review off by saying this: I am not a sports fan. When a friend of mine invited me to go to The Agency with him, I was very apprehensive. I’m used to sports bars and grills not being very vegetarian friendly, and the whole sporty environment is not really my thing.
Given that, I felt very comfortable once I got to They Agency. The place is nice, it’s cushy, and the screens they have there had excellent image quality. I guess they have a few gaming systems in the bottom level, which I didn’t get to check out, but that alone may get me back there to check that out.
Being a little bit broke, I didn’t order more than my beer and fries, but both were great. They have three different types of fries: Garlic, Chili and Truffle. The garlic fries were delicious, and the people who had the truffle fries said they were really good. And as much as I was hoping they would have mozzarella sticks, it appeared the only fried food on the menu was the fries themselves. They had a variety of sandwiches, even offering a veggie burger. Seeing basil pesto as a spread option is not something I expected to see in a sports bar.
The only thing that was a downer for me was the price. The amount of fries you get for $ 4.50 is about the size of a medium fry at a fast food place, so I ended up with a $ 13 ticket from two beers and the fries alone.
Overall, I was very impressed with The Agency, especially given my apprehension in going to the Ultra Sport Lounge in the first place.

I kinda wanted to roll that down to two stars, and give them both to the staff. Alas, I cannot, I know two people that work there. Thus, they will be given the benefit of the doubt until (if I ever) I go back.
Staff is awesome. That being said I’m a total sucker for an attractive waitstaff. Yes they are being tipped, but I will still feel special regardless. However, physical attributes aside (they really are easy on the eyes) they were on their a-​game. Food came out quickly, service was friendly, the guy was knowledgeable. And I wasn’t even waited on by anyone I know.
Food was, uh, below par. It’s a sport bar, I understand that. But if you want to serve food in this town your options are either excellent upscale or champion pub food. It was neither of those. Perhaps with sometime to work out the kinks (or enough feedback) it will eventually work it’s self out.
Now that being said, the location is KILLER, and something very different from the Kingston (which has its time and place). Ambiance is pretty cool, although they do have something called the «casting couch» downstairs. Uh, the only thing I can think when I hear the phrase «casting couch» is the movie producer from The Godfather (if you read the book you know what I mean). Right now it seems very frat-​boy, young professional like, but it just opened and I for one will give them the benefit of the doubt.

The service is great BUT I agree about the food: poor execution.
I also thought that the prices were a bit steep for what it is. Drinks were pretty weak for the price. I like the concept of the place but think the execution is very poor.