24 Hour Church of Elvis

24 Hour Church of Elvis has left the building.

File this under the category of really fucking weird. What is it? Why is it here? Who cares, it is, so take it in.
Sure the three times I stuck a quarter in it didn’t work. Oh well, a few quarters out of my pocket is no big deal. It’s kinda freaky looking and a one of a kind thing so it’s worth spending a few moments in front of if you’re in the area.

My best friend and I visited The Church of Elvis when it was at Where’s the Art? nineteen years ago. We were locked in with three other women by the manager. The manager gave us a «concert» on his air guitar. The song of choice was «Help Me Rhonda» by The Beach Boys. My best friend had nightmares for weeks after and to this day can not listen to that song. This had to be our craziest adventure and we have had several.

So sad this place is currently closed! Per the guys at the nearby comic book store, the owner is trying to find a new location.

The kitch of the church is awesome! Walking down the street in the Peal district it just hits you!
I was bummed that the coin operated functions were not working last weekend.

I’m rather certain this is some sort of joke on society and I’m also certain it was far more interesting before thousands of visitors broke all of the buttons, but for a city who promotes «Keep Portland Weird» as a mantra from shirts to bumper stickers you’d be hard pressed to find something weirder in the city.
Not really a ‘destination’ as much as an odd curiosity you may want to check out after donuts at Voodoo or a few games at Ground Control I’m glad I stopped by and equally glad to have wasted a quarter to see Barbie exercise but this could be so much cooler if someone actually took the time to maintain it.

This thing is retarded. I’ll never get that time back, or my quarter.
What’s so funny? What makes this so great that it’s mentioned in a children’s book about Portland? That’s how I found this. It reminded me that children and their books are stupid, too.

awesome, duh.

Ewwww. Gimmicky. Scary. Gross. Got bum-​rushed at midnight trying to see this thing (to which I responded «Elvis took all my spare change!»). Only one person didn’t ask for spare change and he warned «Careful, that thing’ll steal your money!» as we callously fed it two bucks. Should’ve just wasted those quarters at Ground Kontrol. The therapist was out of order too. I probably needed him, too.
Three stars for keeping the area weird. I advise out-​of-​towners to visit this thing in broad daylight.

I don’t understand this, so, of course it’s awesome.

The worlds first and only coin operated museum. Well worth the quarter. Just part of what helps keep Portland weird.

Crack me up!
Definitely drop a quarter if you are in the area!
Not worth a special trip, but funny and different!

The first religious experience that has ever made any sense to me.
You are the one in control of your destiny. You choose your slot.
You feed money into a coin operated whizbob doodad.
You are spoken to in a surreal robot voice.
You are blessed by the spirit of the patron saint of fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
It makes just as much sense as anything else. It’s less expensive, more rewarding and far more memorable.

Oh, Portland. This is just another example of your delightfulness, just tucked away on a random street – the 24h Church of Elvis. Happening upon this little permanent art installation/​curiosity was fun – I popped in a quarter and had 3 predictions made about my future, which is a bargain, as far as I’m concerned. So far, I haven’t misplaced my red sweater or been the recipient of an inheritance from my Aunt Betty, but hopefully I can afford a new sweater with my inheritance money…
Quirky, fun, worth a stop. I didn’t get married, but if I needed to in a hurry… I know where to go.

LOVE. IT.
We found the 24 Hour Church of Elvis totally by a random twist of fate! After leaving a show at the Star Theater, we saw what looked like what I assume the child of an ATM and a Fortune Teller would look like. This was the most amazing thing you could POSSIBLY find at random after a show! And after depositing our quarter into slot A, the Church of Elvis started it’s assault on my perceptions of reality, and I will forever be changed! Best 25 cents I’ve ever spent, and I plan to visit many more times!

Despite my unending love of Elvis Aaron Presley and my exhaustive research into all things Portland, research which consisted of 1) emailing a friend who used to live there 2) flipping through a travel book while standing in a soon-​to-​be-​closed Borders and 3) clicking through Unilocal for a few minutes, the 24 Hour Church of Elvis came as a complete surprise – a pleasant, awesome, creepy, crazy-​ass surprise.
In fact, this «church» was the very first stop on the very first day of my sister’s tour of her newly adopted city. In true Portland hipster fashion, she didn’t even have the courtesy to prep me; all she did was walk me up the sidewalk on our way to The Bite of Oregon and nonchalantly stop and say, «Check this out.»
«What. The. Fuck?» I said.
It was Outsider Art Meets Radio Shack. It was the unholy love child of Howard Finster and David Lightman. I scrambled for a quarter. A creepy, synthesized voice beckoned and instructed. It sounded like an angry, hungover Stephen Hawking. We selected from a series of pop culture-​based menus and options:
«Do we want to get married?»
«Which of these pairs do you want as witnesses?»
«Select your vows.»
And it was there, on the streets of Chinatown, my wife and I renewed our vows as witnessed by Kate, Allie and my little sister. Sis gave us additional instructions: «Yeah, they don’t give prizes any more. And some of the other stuff does work either.» She also admitted that she and her husband also renewed their vows on THEIR first trip to the Land of Ports. This turned out to be the best quarter I spent in my entire week there.
Keep Portland weird? Well, folks, you’re off to a good start.

We rushed right past this «gallery» the first time. Glanced. Took noticed. Wondered what it was, but we were in a rush.
Second time, we glanced and stopped. Dead in our tracks. What are we looking at? After $ 2.00 worth of quarters, a marriage, a fortune, and a review of our past lives, I’m still not sure but all I know is I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Funky and fun. Like the city, itself.

This is my kind of religion.
Fancy, messy, interactive, inspiring, helpful, baffling, multi-​cultural, resourceful, kinetic, accessible, overly accessorized – and whatta bargain!
Stevie was (and is!) one of my earliest and most deeply resonant role models for creative expression. She’s created an elaborate world and has found a way to share some of its magical mysteries with any passerby.

There are times of deep Spiritual need within our lives that happen when we least expect them. It’s good to know that now there is a 24 Hour place of worship to satisfy our Spiritual needs. That’s right, the 24 Hour Church of Elvis! It’s impossible to walk down the street and not stop and gaze with awe & wonder at the beauty of devotion to the King!

An opus of eccentric artistic quirkiness… formerly located at 219 SW Ankeny, then later moving to 720 SW Ankeny — the kitschy and cramped gallery that asked ‘Where’s the Art?” and boasted proudly from the street that it was a self professed ‘Church of Elvis’ — offering 24-​hr service… («24 Hour Church of Elvis: Usually open Noon to 5, 8 — 11 a lot. Call (503) 226‑3671 for reassurance») has since experienced a rebirth at 408 NW Couch Street…
Thank god it dinnit close!
I love Portland. I love kitsch. And Stevie Pierce’s gallery, which is elaborately, heavily, and excessively ornamented with objects she’s collected and found over many a year… is the embodiment of all that is absurd and loveable. I have always made it a point to visit while in Portland.
This, my friends… is what it is like to live life as composed by Tom Waits. At least that’s my take.
As far as I know, it really is ‘The World’s First Coin-​Operated Art Gallery”… when the Church of Elvis was located on Ankeny, there were indeed vast assemblages, coin-​operated art and other interactive displays… Video psychic, anyone? Check. Vend-​O-​Matic Mystery Machine? Got it. … (what IS that, anyway?) I first visited when the gallery was at 219 SW Ankeny… and visited again when it moved down the street.
I also remember the awesome Prize-​O-​Matic… which dispenses prizes like little plastic insects or army men… (some of which can be purchased on her website, too…)
Best of all, is the wedding service, which I have indeed contemplated… if only with the right groom.
But you have options here… for 5 bucks you and a friend can pretend to marry… how cute… or for 25 bucks you can have the real deal (plus $ 60 for an Oregon marriage license) Yes, Stevie is ordained… and really, how could you resist? Sure… if you are looking for that real church feel… white dress… 200 plus guests, I get it…
But at the Church of Elvis you get a wedding march, a fashion twirl, testimonial time, an inspirational message (!), a «touching legalization of the vows», that first smooch as man and wife, a first dance and… a traditional sidewalk parade!
Traditional sidewalk parade?!
Yes! I love that! Everyone loves a parade!
The best thing about the 24 Church of Elvis… is that it isn’t open 24 hours… it’s not really a church… and other than a friend of Stevie’s performing ‘Hound dog’ for me, behind a pair of thick glasses, inna bathrobe, using a Fisher Price Ages 3 and Up tape recorder… it really doesn’t have much to do with Elvis, either.
Sure, you can purchase t-​shirts and magnets with a crude depiction of Elvis P. (I have both, in fact) but it really isn’t about him… it’s about Stevie and her unharnessed and vivid expression.
Stephanie G Pierce (Stevie) I heart you with all my heart of hearts… you were once a big corporate professional and you said Eff It and decided to live your life free and full of art… and for that, you will always have my admiration and respect. 200 cheers to you… in my 200^th review.