M5 Bus

We were stuck downtown after Hurricane Sandy and waited three hours for this bus because other M5s keep skipping our stop! They weren’t even crowded they just didn’t feel like stopping!

It first reminded me of the L.A. bus experience full of homeless people, but then it got better.
I took the bus starting on Church Street (financial district) and as you can imagine it was quite trafficky. It passes by the Ground Zero and the Tribeca Grand Hotel Clock, just before it gets trafficky again with the Holland Tunnel crowd. It’s smoth sailing from there (at least as smooth as you can get with the NYC taxis).
It is slow. But a much more scenic experience as you make your way up on 6^th avenue along the major posts of 34^st Macy’s, Bryant Park, Rock center, etc.

God, I hate this bus. I’ve always hated this bus. The main reason I hate it is it is slow and also runs on a limited schedule during the day.
The other reason I hate it is for the low life clientèle it attracts. Example: I was riding the thing back home from Herald Square one night around Christmastime and it was as hot as Hell on the bus. The thing usually moves like molasses but that night there was a Christmas tree lighting or something that was making the trip up 6^th Ave even more of a nightmare than usual.
Between the heat and the jerky stop & go, I was starting to feel a bit ill. This piggish, permed out woman about five seats in front of me was munching down on some type of corn based snack from a Mylar bag. Appropriate, since pigs eat corn and she definitely WAS a pig, smacking away virulently with an open mouth.
From the heat, the jerkiness of the bus and the corn/​halitosis smell emanating from her huge open maw, I was about to barf so I took off my jacket and sweater. That helped for a moment, but the corn smell from this woman’s mouth was really grossing me out. The following conversation ensued:
I: Ma’am, could you please chew with your mouth closed? The smell of your food is making me feel ill.
She: Well, I always chew with my mouth closed so I don’t see what the problem is.
I: Well, I’ve been watching you for the past 10 minutes chewing open mouthed and can smell your food all the way back here. It’s very inconsiderate to your fellow passengers. Also, eating on the bus is against MTA regulations. Would you please stop?
She: Well you COULD ask nicely.
I: I DID say please. Please stop.
She: (something like) Well fuck you then.
I went to the driver to complain and he told me unless they’re smoking, he can’t do anything. Eventually she ran out of food. If I DID have to puke, I guarantee you I would have walked right up next to her and barfed all over her and her hideous perm. That would have taught her!
I LOATHE the M5. Only reason for the extra star is that sometimes when the 7 isn’t coming (like ALWAYS!) it comes in handy for getting home.