Good Guys

Food isn’t even deserving of the single star. ABSOLUTE WORST FOOD EVER!!! Turkey burger tasted like solidified turkey broth, the cheese looked fake, Pamela Anderson has better plasticity than the cheese on this burger. Fries were burnt. They sent a second order to make up for the first, and it was just as bad.
Rabid snakes living under the Kiliminjaro would slither past this rubbish. How are these people still in business?

When Good Guys replaced the Subway Sandwich Shop at 2^nd ave and E 9^th st, I was excited. It looked nice and clean, you could get anything from a wrap to a smoothie, a panini to a turkey burger. And it’s open 24 hours.
Unfortunately, the quality of their food went downhill extremely fast. I should have taken it as a sign when the first week they were open, they had a rather unfortunate typo on their giant sign on the street that said «Anus Burger» instead of «Angus Burger.» (No joke).
A few weeks ago, I was starving and stopped by to try one of their grilled chicken sandwiches. I got it home, anxious to dig in. My first bite, I had to spit right back out because it tasted like mold! I searched the remaining bread and it didn’t seem to be moldy, so I tried another bite. Still a horrible moldy taste. I had almost completely lost my appetite by this point, but tried the other half of the sandwich WITHOUT the bread, and it STILL had a horrible taste. The entire experience was ruined. I had to toss the sandwich.
I decided I’d give them one more chance…
Last night, my wife texted me when she landed at JFK saying she’d love it if I could get her some sort of salad so she could have something to eat when she got home. I went to Good Guys because it was close. Ordered her a Salmon salad from their menu with the «lemon vinaigrette» dressing on the side. She was grateful to have food waiting for her when she got home, but immediately commented on how the «lemon vinaigrette» was nothing more than plain (cloudy) lemon juice, and the salmon tasted horribly fishy, to the point where she had to remove it all from the salad. She was still hungry, but just decided to go to bed half-​hungry.
Unfortunately, 2 bad experiences in a row, and I will not be giving Good Guys a chance to have their 3^rd strike. This place SERIOUSLY needs to be inspected by the health department. There is something wrong with the food here.

I went to this «burger joint» and spotted pasta on the menu where you could get «unlimited toppings» with your pasta. Unfortunately unlimited toppings actually means no toppings. Apparently the word unlimited means each topping costs one dollar extra (even though their menu claims that only upgrading the type of pasta would increase the cost). The cashier was extremely impolite when I pointed this out, and seems to not give a damn. Unfortunate. The service was so bad, it inspired me to make a Unilocal account.

So, apparently the world of burger joints is as bankrupt for marketing and naming as is the scuba diving industry. Can’t think of a unique, catchy name? No problem; just steal or adapt someone else’s. Not «GOOD Burger, Home of the GOOD Burger.» Nope. Not Five GUYS Burgers and Fries.” Nope, not that either. How about … Good Guys, Famous Burgers?!? You get the «good,» you get the «guys» and the burgers. Can’t forget about them burgers, now, can we? Oh, and these are FAMOUS. Famous burgers. One has to wonder where, and, furthermore, among what segment of people on this planet are they famous? The answer has to be no one.
This reminds me of a line from the movie «This Is Spinal Tap»:
David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.“
Here’s an audio version of this:
Actually, this restaurant does not remind me of that movie line at all, I just thought I’d insert something completely random in here.
Back to the restaurant; the food at this restaurant (new, from what I can see, and, amazingly enough, unlisted on Unilocal). They also list «Salads and Café» as a corollary tag line to their «Famous Burgers» headline.
Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
1. I walked in and perused the menu and spotted their combo meals, which included a Good Guys «Classic»; a burger with cheese, lettuce, tomato and «GG» sauce (GG=“Good Guys,” of course). I asked if that was some badass version of Russian dressing and the guy behind the counter complied by offering me some in a little plastic cup. It was nothing like what I was expecting, and quite frankly tasted like the bottled General Tso’s sauce I get in the supermarket. Weird touch for a burger.
2.The burger was eminently mediocre, with weird tasting meat (despite being flame broiled, it had none of the flavor) and a seriously poofy bun. For chrissakes, this is not rocket science; if you want to know what a good burger is, go to Burger Joint, Shake Shake, Good Burger, or Five Guys and taste, and then figure out some way of making your own.
3. The other dude behind the counter gave me my burger in to-​go styrofoam (without asking if it was to go or to stay), and offered up three packets of some weird generic ketchup to go along with it. Anyone that knows me knows that I probably keep Heinz in business all by myself, so this was, no offense, a joke.
4. The fries were hot, but kind of wooden. I didn’t have enough ketchup for them. DON’T CHEAP OUT ON THE KETCHUP, BITCHEZ. That’s just wrong at what is supposed to be a BURGER JOINT.
5. Because of the poofy bun enumerated above, the bread-​to-​burger ratio was dramatically skewed toward the bread. Mind your ratios people, and for THE LOVE OF PETE, use a potato roll and not these gnarly fancy rolls. It’s a freakin’ BURGER.
They also offer sandwiches, i.e., panini and, true to their tag line, salad in the NY-​deli style ‘pick five ingredients and we’ll make you a salad’ style. Oh, and they’re a café. They have an espresso machine.
This is a fairly egregious example of a food concept gone bad. You want to market yourself as a burger place? Focus on burgers. Not panini, and sandwiches… and salad. And espresso. IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A BURGER PLACE (let alone a «famous» one), MAKE COMPLETELY BITCHIN’ BURGERS and leave it at that.
FAIL.