Restaraunte El Nuevo Ranco

I didn’t want to eat here.
We wanted to eat at Town Talk. But it was Monday and we didn’t realize that Town Talk is not open on Monday. Fuckers.
We had already put $$$ in the meter. So we figured, enh… why not try one of many other places around.
So, we went to the Mexican spot, next door. (I use the term «Mexican» and «restaurant» loosely.)
It smells like it should, a little greasy and like corn chips.
Red flag #1…a white girls seats us.
The menu seems to be basic enough the usual tacos, burritos, enchiladas, etc.
I order a burrito al pastor. My friend orders a taco salad.
Red flag #2…when taking my order, the tron doesn’t ask me what kind of beans I want on my burrito.
Red flag #3…an older white lady is cooking.
Now, older white ladies can TOTALLY rock it in the kitchen. I ain’t sayin’ that they cannot.
I’ve eaten a ton of burritos and none of them were made by any older white ladies. EVER.
I’m sure your super pale mom/​aunt/​sister whomever can make kickass burritos… tell ‘em to open a spot in MN, because the good taquerias are not here.
Anyhow, our food is brought out.
I have a decent sized burrito. No condiments. No spicy pickled veg. No salsa even. No garnish. No beans, bland sticky rice, iceberg lettuce, a few tomatoes. No salsa in the burrito either. It’s actually dry. The meat looks okay.
My friends taco salad is iceberg lettuce, meat and a few tomatoes in the deep fried flour tortilla salad bowl.
I bite into my burrito, expecting spicy hot al pastor yummyness. I get cold, sweet pork jerky.
Well, hello there! There is canned pineapple in my burrito.
There is canned pineapple in the taco salad.
I tell my friend he has to take me to Sebastian Joe’s for ice cream, to get the taste of this place outta my mouth.
This is the 3^rd Mexi place I’ve tried since I moved back and it made me sad and homesick for a decent burrito.
Boo.
It’s Restaraunte El Nueva Rancho (the typo in the name was not intentional… but it’s more appropriate.)