UYE People of Walmart Brickell Area Pub Crawl

Better late than never and the review deserves it’s place here in the Unilocal archives. This was the most kick-​ass two stop pub crawl in history. Period.
Previous reviewers have hit the highlights. We were certainly a sight to be seen. The moment we stepped into Transit there were eyebrows in the air as faces turned in our direction. The bartenders didn’t seem to want to serve us, although I think they caught on that it was a joke after a bit. Random people wanted to pose for pics with Paul and his mullet/​stash/​beer belly combo. Once Janay and her crew showed up we kicked it into high gear on the dance floor singing our lungs out and leg-​guitars hit the stage.
This night was epic and we have great pics to tell the story. Good think because the story gets a little blurry towards the end. I’m just sorry I missed the birth of Evette’s baby outside on the patio. Till the next crawl…

I’m drawn to loud music, flashing lights, booze and schools of dancing people like sharks are drawn to bleeding epileptic fish that swim alone. Unfortunately at the POW Pub Crawl, I was hating life.
Friday I went to an impromptu Douchebag/​Cougar Pub Crawl, and hit the favorite spots of Brickell financial planners, lawyers and their secretaries alike; Gordon Biersch, Baru Urbano, and finally Club 50. Sprinkled in were some indie bars like Transit Lounge aka Tranny’s and Vagabond aka Vajabond aka Vaginabond. One can only stand $ 20 martinis and endless jibber-​jabber about the «the economy» for so long. Drinking for more than 6 hours a night is officially considered a shift, and I worked a double. Needless to say, the next day I felt like Manny Pacquiao had been practicing haymakers with my head.
But let’s get back to the Pub Crawl, I was fascinated with the hilarious appearance of Kelly Bundy (Andrea F.) and Joe Dirt (Paul W.) Evette A. had a standout costume, many a random stranger kept asking me things like;
«Why don’t you do something? Your friend is drinking and smoking while pregnant!!!»
My response,
«Dood are you dense, that’s an urban legend! How come those hippies used to do that and worse all the time in the 70s and nothing happened to their babies? Your mom was probably doing speedballs and practicing free-​love at the moment of your conception, btw did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like your mother?»
The migraine I had was relentless and everyone could tell I wasn’t my usual triple-​fist fighting, keg-​stand marathon self. Seriously I haven’t hurt so bad since I won that Slurppee chugging contest. Thank sweet buttery baby Jesus that Gina «Huggins» H., Maria «Twinkle-​Fingers» A. and the monosyllabically named sisters Sly R. and Liz R. were all trying their best to get me in the mood (the party mood perverts!) It was just too late; my hair of the dog technique had turned and bit me in the ass.
I drank 3 straight Newcastles between T-​Road and Tranny’s and was rewarded with «the spinners». I went outside to get some fresh air when the beer decided that it was 18, an adult and wanted out. It’s not the most gentlemanly thing to puke your guts out in public, but the restrooms might as well have been in West Kendall cuz I was never going to make it! I decided that I’d save face by using the Porta-​Potty.
THAT WAS THE WORST FUCKING IDEA I’VE EVER HAD!
The smell of gaseous feces, fermented urine and glutaraldehyde made me instantly retch and I had to escape! In the end I let the wall under the spotlight have it. Earlier that night there had been a mishap with my People of Wal-​Mart costume and everyone teased me like I’d come to the first day of junior high with a World of Warcraft t-​shirt on. I wasn’t about to let everyone comment on the new Papaya Mouthwash breath I was sportin’ so I dipped without saying goodbye to anyone, sorry guys.
Even after all that I still dub this event 5 stars! It wasn’t the fault of our Unilocal redneck royalty that I’d overdone it the night before. I just wish I could’ve been in my optimal drinking shape so I could’ve gone Godzilla on that pub crawl! Next time I’ll be true to form, an Alcohol Athlete, second to none!

AHHH what a night I had so much fun. Who ever thought up the idea of going to bars looking like hot messes whewwww KUDOS to you. I loved how everyone looked at us like we were nuts. It was a blast… :)

I ran into this bunch of people at Transit and I have to say, you all were hilarious and tons of fun! The costumes were awesome. I was the one getting down with the pregnant girl– lol… I would party with you all any time! Glad you all enjoyed the live 80s music, too… If you want to know when the band is playing next, check them out at

Great seeing all of you and I love the collective sense of humor:)

All I can say was WOW!
We all showed up in rare form, obviously. When I was getting ready I had an idea of what kind of white trash was going to appear, but I never thought it would get this bad, lol. Oh the looks we kept getting by people wondering what the hell we were doing.
First stop, Tobacco Road. We cruised to the back as it seems to be a little lively. Being the drinking/​smoking 9 month pregnant woman, I needed to get into character. So I walked up to the bar and asked for the largest bottle of beer they had. I was hoping for a 40 oz. size, but alas, they only had the regular normal bottles, so I ordered a Blue Moon. There was an older man at the bar who rubbed my Buddha belly and offered to buy me a beer, but warned I was only allowed 1 beer. Why on Earth would this guy buy a pregnant woman a beer? It seems as though he was a real guy from Walmart. I allowed him to pay for my beer, then explained to him I really wasn’t pregnant. Oh the look on his face. Gina was happy to give me a cigarette to hold in my hand for the last part of my character.
Tobacco Road was a little too mellow for us, off to Transit Lounge. Again I walk to the bar and requested the largest bottle of beer they had. I was served a nice huge bottle of Tucher. Perfect. As our group of Walmart group was getting larger and larger, we all started dancing to some great 80’s hits. As the band started and we sang Happy Birthday to Janay, I decided to head out to the back to get some air.
So many people staring, what the hell I was doing drinking and smoking. It was for effect peeps. Some women were smart enough to realize that my huge belly was a little exaggerated, but others were in complete shock and awe. I saw people staring and whispering, but no one said a thing, which is what I was hoping for all night. Some people came and asked me how far along I was, so I would tell them about 5 hours, lol. Then I would explain my character.
Thanks to hill billy/​pedophile of a man, Paul, for setting this all up.
Great looking ref, Christian.
Gina, you will always be the southern speaking Amy Winehouse cousin to me.
Liz, did you have to sew on those gold pants? And ask your sister where she got her pink tutu.
Maria, sorry you got into a wet t-​shirt contest with your white wife beater before we met up at Tobacco Road (just kidding peeps, she just got stuck in the rain.)
Jessica, never wear those pajama pants and your clown makeup in public again.
Thank you to Adriana for helping me deliver my baby outside for all to see, lol.
I never knew how much fun a Walmart pub crawl would be.

What can I say about this event. Thank you PAul for puttin this together.LOL.from pregant drunks to the great white trash around us to the just randomness of the outfits i can say… good call!!! rockin out to some great 80’s tunes and enjoying the drinks. Transit lounge was pretty cool as was tobacco road. Fun times… fun times… till da next one :)

Yet another hilarious and successful pup crawl! Unilocalers brought it with their versions of people of Walmart. My favs: Paul with his sexy manly mullet and mustache not to mention his sex machine shirt. Gina’s Amy Winehouse hair with pink outfit and boots, and lastly pregnant Evette smoking and drinking the night away. The stares were priceless!
Even though we only went to 2 bars, Transit was definitely the best place for our craziness. 80’s music, drinks and food, what else could you ask for? Thanks Paul for hosting an awesome UYE!

I never thought being white trash would be so much fun!
Thank you Paul for hosting such a great UYE! I had a ball! Especially because everyone was such a trooper and we all dressed the part!
We danced the night away to the best of the 80’s in our attires to match at Transit. Thank you, Transit! and thank you to all my old and new Unilocal friends: Drunken, smoking pregnant Evette, Reffie Christian, White Trash Gina, Peg Bundy Andrea, Bday girl Janay, and all too many to list… so many great Walmart people who made this night an amazingly fun 80s tacky throw back!!! You are all AWESOME!!!
People of Walmart, UNITE!

Everyone here knows me as the loud mouth girl that ALWAYS has something to say.
and well
Unilocal Miami you left me SPEECHLESS.
This UYE wasn’t just a chance to get drunk and party it was a way to ring in my birthday with people I’m HONORED to call my friends.
Paul your costume was so0o0o funny.
Gina loved the hair !
Evette I want baby pictures !
Liz your leg guitar killed !!
Christian. .. . I Love you long time sir.
Amazing guys. Simply amazing.

At first the idea of a People of Wal-​Mart pub crawl really surprised me. I’d heard about a video or blog under the same name but had never watched it. After chatting with Paul the mastermind behind this month’s crawl I felt much better. He explained people just had to dress tacky. A tacky bar crawl through some of Brickell’s «dives»? Done.
After walking through a downpour I arrived at Tobacco Road more than compliant with the night’s dress code. The troops gathered (complete with mullets or wowlets, a drinking, smoking, pregnant Evette who I suspect was knocked up by a beeper baring Christian, and Amy’s Widenhouses southern belle cousin) at the Road but then quickly headed over to Transit. At this point every one dispersed on separate missions I was with the team looking for munchies and dining on nachos, wings, and fries, this is People of Wal-​Mart after all. We all met up on the dance floor in time to enjoy some classic 80s jams. My night ended with a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday for Ms. Janay!

I wasn’t planning on coming out to this originally, but how could I miss out on such incredible fun? I decided to go, knowing full well that the outfits were going to be enough to make it worthwhile.
Pub Crawls are already pretty ridiculous as it is when you put a bunch of Unilocalers together; but dress them up in white trash, knock one up and stick a beer in her hand, and invite Billy Bob from Mullets Galore… and well– what can I say? Hilarity ensues. Drunken hilarity.
Evette’s baby bump moves were bringing tears of laughter to my eyes all night long. We were turning heads everywhere we went, as onlookers stared in confusion.
80s tunes are always the cherry on top of a fun night, and there were plenty of old school hits to trigger nostalgia and an occasional busting out of the running man or roger rabbit.
Thank you Billy Bob, erm. I mean Paul, for putting this together. So glad I went.

Oh wow. Whut in tarnation a super event! Fry mah hide!
People of Brickell were super cornfused by People of Walmart in ah KNOW thet walkin’ through Transet lounge on mah own made haids turn, an’ not fo’ all th’ right reasons. We really made traffic stop, we had our photographs taken wif ran’omm peekoolyarrs… but screw all thet… th’ main thin’ is… WE TOOK OVER! Fry mah hide! Fry mah hide! Fry mah hide!
Yeah yeah yeah we didn’t stick t’th’ plan, as enny fool kin plainly see… yeah we only hit up two pubs (fine three fo’ me on account o’ we had t’go ett at some stage). But we partied like th’ varmints thet we is when we all git togither.
Winnin’ costoom in mah book was Evette wif her rootin tootin chain smokin beer six packin pregnant trailer trash (yin to Paul’s yang) which was so real lookin’ thet menny menny varmints were givin’ her mighty dissapprovin’ an’ wo’ryin’ looks.
Thank yo’ brother Paul an’ feller ye’pers fo’ openin’ yer arms an’ makin’ mah fambly feel so welcome. They had a great time an’ ah was so happy t’be able t’show them th’ «real» Miami away fum all th’ tourism, dawgone it.

I remember when I first posted this event, I commented that if people really went all out, got creative and dressed up, this pub crawl would be lots of fun.
Well, my fellow Unilocalers didn’t disappoint. From guys and gals in monochromatic outfits, to gold sexy pants to jackets with furry borders, wigs, beepers (remember those?), jump suits, stretchy pants, poofy jackets, Walmart bags for purses, a (very realistic looking) pregnant lady who was happily smoking and drinking away, wacky t-​shirts, pajamas, fur-​lined boots and lots of pink outfits.
Lots of photos taken with our group, taken of our group & employees and patrons of both Tobacco Road and Transit asking what the hell we were supposed to be. Throw in a few drinks and some 80’s music, Janay’s birthday at midnight and it was definitely good times!
Thanks again to everyone who came out and took part in the fun!