Halloween USA

This is only a seasonal store that is never at the same address two years in a row. So let’s just refer to it as a roving gypsy carnival of Chinese imports. I went to the Brooklyn location by Ridgepark Square this year, but have been to one in almost every listed suburb that is full of abandoned superstores where these things pop up.
It’s sort of our Halloween tradition. It’s cheaper than going to a dumb haunted house where they use all the stuff sold here. If you even spend a dime, you’ re taking something home. We bought a big glitter skull, skeleton garland, a shrunken head and everybody’s favorite-​bang snaps! I haven’t had these in years. The slutty costumes are fun to make fun of and the really extravagant decorations (like a twitching full size body in a body bag) are scarier than the garbage at a haunted house. This is miles above the Marc’s closeout section or Walmart. The closest competition would probably be Party City, but even they don’t satisfy my spooky jones like this place. i wish it was here all year long for bar mitzvah and wedding present shopping.
The funny thing is we hand out candy every year on my street, and only about a dozen kids show up. In Lakewood. We’ve got like twelve new middle schools! Where are all the kids? Probably working at haunted houses and saving to go to college, so they don’t end up working at Halloween USA and waiting on a jackass like me.