Lazy Cloud Lodge

So the question is, who are the people that think this place is so great?! I’m guessing they must be the «lazy crowd» for whom anything — even this — is better than their trailer park.
Lake Geneva used to be something special. An upper class resort town with nice restaurants, cool little shops and a lot of clean, well maintained hotels. As a matter of fact my own father helped his friend build the original Playboy Club and ski lodge. The town of Lake Geneva has now degraded into a tacky, tasteless version of its former self. The people roaming the town reflect the same lack of style. Literally half the stores in town have closed due to the lousy economy.
The Lazy Cloud Bed and Breakfast is many things. One thing it’s absolutely NOT is a bed and breakfast. This «secret hideaway» is actually located right next to a four lane highway. This outdated strip motel is in dire need of updating and deep cleaning.
The photos on the internet make the place look bright and clean. Again — absolutely not. We booked the «Heavenly Nights Suite» at $ 175 per night. When we checked in, the very nice desk manager gave us our choice of wines and chocolates and then personally walked us through the room — a nice touch. They also offer free movies through a sign out program at the desk.
Suffice it to say that when you enter the room you can’t help but notice that as with the rest of the town, this place is long past is heyday as a romantic destination. Here’s a list of the things that make this place closer to a cheesy Friday night hook up spot for Ashley Madison wannabes than any semblance of a real B&B:
1) The green, outdoor Astro-​Turf like carpeting at the door.
2)The free movies are actually a collection of very old VHS format films that have to run in an equally old VHS player. Anyone who’s watched anything on any late model TV knows that watching anything on VHS is akin looking at your parent’s home movies through a Vaseline coated plate glass window. The TV is also at such an angle as it can’t easily be seen from the bed area. The motel folks have graciously added a faux-​leather couch in what would be a sort of short hallway, opposite the TV. This is peculiar at best.
3) The mattress is cheap motel quality. Meaning that the edge surrounding the top of the mattress is a metal frame holding up the hard edge against the sloping foam and spring filled center. These are crap to begin with — then add twenty years of fat, sweaty people with cheap chardonnay induced chronic fatigue and you begin to get a sense of what your night’s sleep will be like.
4) The pillows are horrible and flat. Not fluffy and inviting.
5) The bed cover has very obviously not been washed — because as we all know, people don’t sleep on the bed cover. They only sit naked on it sipping cheap chardonnay and eating three week old chocolate covered strawberries while watching Rocky II from around the corner.
6) The room has air conditioning. This is a critical point for me as I have allergies and the motel is next to the highway so the A/​C should help to drown out the noise. That being said, the wall-​mounted unit is relatively inefficient and outdated so the room is cold but dank. To be clear, it feels «clammy» which only enhances the sense that the room has a mold problem. Sitting on the metal edge of the bed suffering the cold, wet atmosphere is not what I consider romantic.
7) They have a «lovely deck with a swing» where you can sit, sway and stare into the woods. Uh no. The deck, which has not been cleaned or treated in years also has an obvious mold problem. I would guess at the 25−30% level. The «woods» is actually a septic field. You’ll notice as you look over the right side of the deck, there are two prominent sewers. These are only about 15 feet from the room’s A/​C unit’s air intake.
8) The «double whirlpool tub» is permanently stained yellow from overuse. It’s not a «spa» in the true sense of the word. It’s really just a larger bathtub with bacteria filled jets. My brain has trouble wrapping my head around the idea of how many illegitimate strays has been conceived in this caldron of oil and Mr. Bubble.
9) There are fake leaves above the tub and they are so covered in dust and dirt that I can’t even imagine who would be willing to get naked underneath them in the bubbling goo as the traffic rolls by shaking the foundation.
10) The included «breakfast» is the available coffee pot in the room and two muffins stored in the mini-​fridge.
There is also a table for two, a fireplace and a very small bathroom. The bath was the cleanest spot in the room. The table is in my view moderately pointless. The fireplace would be a nice touch if the rest of the room wasn’t so completely gross.
So did we stay? Nope. We drove all the way back to Chicago that evening. When we got back we went to a nice restaurant and then back to our brand new carriage house where I had a great night’s sleep.

A few years ago, me and the ex were overworked, burnt out and in need of a little alone time but had limited time frames. We found this beautiful little hideaway about an hour away from the city and headed north to Lake Geneva. I expected it to be a little cheesy and frilly and kind of lame but was really surprised at what a wonderful place it was. Exceptionally clean and well appointed, really like being in a guest in someone’s home. Yet with privacy and all the romantic amenities you can imagine: fireplace, jacuzzi, fluffy robes, champagne, roses. I think we stayed in a Victorian Suite, whatever it was, it was fantastic. A music library in the main lodge allowed us to borrow some relaxing cd’s, they had board games and books etc. too.
It is on the former estate of a brewing heir that used the place as a polo lodge so there is beautiful wide open space and detached outbuildings where the suites are. Privacy is amazing and peace and quiet is paramount. There was no TV in the room which I thought was fabulous! Located just a few minutes from Williams Bay, we bopped into town for dinner and headed back to literally sleep like babies. No, I’m serious, it was so incredibly relaxing, I fell into the deepest most relaxing sleep ever!
The couple that runs the place are wonderful and will provide you with any extra services you would want (massages, sleighrides, specialty baskets, etc…) and their guest service couldn’t have been better!
Wonderful place for a romantic escape!