Soham Roy, MD

Miami Beach nightclubs have helped many a college student achieve their dreams, perhaps at their own risk. I worked in one where bottled water was consumed ravenously, and everything that wasn’t nailed down would rattle violently from EDM bass. I used Putty-​Buddies silicone earplugs to salvage any hope of post-​graduation hearing. One night the A/​C decided to take the night off and the air was thick with the humid respiration + perspiration of a thousand revelers. I attempted to pull out my hearing protection, but it was slick and a third stayed inside. I sped to the Ambulatory Care Center.
I was utterly deaf in my left ear but my right ear was tip-​top, so when a doctor stopped to chat up the nurse that took my vitals I heard him say, «Damn a foreign body job, I was so hungover during that practical.» After failing once he called for back-​up. Soon there were five people in the room with all manner of scopes, tubes and tortuous instruments, including a heat lamp that sun-​burned half my face. The whole ordeal from Urgent Care to ER to ENT clinic took thirteen hours, so I was almost willing to give anyone a chance to save me from the Operating Room.
Pediatric Otolaryngologist, Dr. Sohom Roy, came practically moonwalking into the clinic just as I was about to get wheeled out to the OR. He gave me a dap, glanced toward my ear and said, «Has anyone tried lidocaine in each tympanic membrane quadrant, flooding it with irrigation like your name is Dr. Moses, and some scrapey scrapey action?» He made a hooking motion with his index finger. The room sounded like a glee club mid-​warm-​up, «Ooooooooooh!»
He flicked on some gloves, tells me about all the weird things he’s pulled out of toddler ears (Skittles, Cheerios, thumb tacks) while pulling out masses of bloody Vaselineny goo. Five minutes later I hear pop and he tells me to never, never, never use putty earplugs again. «It’s as hygienic as sticking someone else’s bubble gum in your ears.» He goes on to tell me he plays bass in a band named after the cologne in Anchorman, and shows me which brand to buy on his mobile. I couldn’t care less because I’d rather go deaf than put anything smaller than an elbow in my ears again. He underhand throws a bottle of antibiotic drops at me, apologizes for having to leave (he’d just finished a 24-​hour shift) and high fives everyone on his way out.
I was a patient of Dr. Roy while he was at his sleep deprived/​/​hungry worst and he was still the best physician in the room… as a resident. I got the best Ear/​Nose/​Throat care and I’m sure you’d get even better after he’s had years of experience since this incident and presumably a good night’s sleep.