Lou Turk’s

Lou Turk’s
500 Powhattan Ave, Essington, PA 19 029
610−521−1678
Hours: 4:00pm to 2:00am Daily
The Low Down
Aaahh Lou Turk’s… don’t let the outside appearance and reputation (pre-​interior renovation) fool you, Delaware County, PA’s only gentlemen’s club is better than expected, but could still use a few tweaks to help it compete better with the rest of the Philly gentlemen’s club scene. Let’s begin…
Location & Facilities — 4 Stars
Lou Turk’s, a topless gentlemen’s club, is located in Essington, PA, minutes from I-​95, I-​476, Philadelphia International Airport and Harrah’s Philadelphia. Despite its exterior battleship-​gray color, the interior went through a renovation a few years ago that definitely updated the appearance and made it more competitive with many of the nicer gentlemen’s clubs in the area. The one-​story club offers two bar areas with poles (the second one being used on the busier weekend nights), several flat screen televisions and a clean, modern bathroom (but be sure not to use the stall with the missing door!). Smoking is permitted, and there’s a cigarette vending machine on site. The club definitely has a local dive-​bar feel to it, and I was pleasantly surprised to see more than a couple of lady customers that evening.
Staff — 3 Stars
When I first arrived at the bar at around 8:15pm on a busy Wednesday night, I was greeted by the very friendly bartender Karen, who was happy to inform me about the club’s domestic and imported beer selection. Unfortunately, with only having one bartender on duty on a surprisingly busy weekday evening, the service was a bit slower than I expected.
Food & Drink — 2 Stars
The full bar offers a wide selection of drink options as well as many of your standard domestic and imported beer options. Only pizza and mozzarella sticks were being served that night, as, according to the staff, the kitchen demand has been declining. There is a snack vending machine on premises if you need to satisfy your munchies without leaving the premises; otherwise, either come to the club after you’ve eaten, or stop by the Wawa convenience store across the street for a bite before or after.
Dancers — 4 Stars
The dancers were a mix of Caucasian and Black ladies of various ages, many of them sporting tattoos (a huge turn-​on for me personally). After a couple of drinks, grabbing some mozzarella sticks and taking in the scene, I decided to get a dance from the adorably cute Scarlett, whose outgoing personality was only outdone by her amazing couch dance!
Value — 4 Stars
I reviewed the club on a Wednesday evening, so the club cover charge was only $ 5. The club offers couch dances that range from $ 20 to $ 30 depending on the level of privacy you receive. The club doesn’t have a Champagne Court exactly, only three private rooms with couches and tables which you can use for $ 185 per half hour.
Website & Social Media — 2 Stars
Lou Turks doesn’t have a website (the link that is provided on social media isn’t working), but I was able to find their Facebook and Twitter pages with a simple search, which provided some basic information and updates on upcoming club events.
In Brief…
If you’re looking for a fun gentlemen’s club experience with a laid-​back crowd in Delaware County, PA, Lou Turk’s is the place to be.

I am sure when the people around the area hear about Lou Turks they kinda cringe. I mean I know I did. The last time I was here was well over 7 years ago. Thats right 7 years ago, this place was like a hole in the wall. Basically Lou was inadequate in all areas of entertainment, venu, pretty much down to the choice of alcohol.
Let us fast forward 7+ years, to the present era. Lou did a complete makeover. A 180 we’ll say. It is actually clean inside, the bar is a thousand times better. They stepped up their game in service with a bartender who knows how to make a drink or 2. The selections have improved to where the libation gods would approve if you fancy a cocktail or beer. The stage, or we’ll say the performace area is no longer a piece of plywood with a pole. There is better lighting, more mirrors, more neon and black lights than prior of just 1 or 2 here and there.
Their lineup of women has improved ten fold, to the point where it is no longer a 45 year old hack trying to re-​live her youth. They added another bar which was smart seeing weekends are crowded. They have better TVs, something called flat screens hanging around with nothing but sports. I noticed they have a kitchen now that serves food, but I leave that up to you to make that call.
They actually gave a crap and did something about it. No this is not Scores in NYC. or Delilahs’ in Philly, where that is the top echelon in the «Show me some Boobage» scene. They are better, a thousand times better than Show and Tell and Purple Orchid in my opinion. Those place you’d need to check your shoes for an STD, God only knows what you’d find there.
I can’t believe I just reviewed a titty bar, but a man has to do, what a man has to do. Now go in and become a personal mammogram expert for a dollar !

The Basics:
$ 5 cover the Sunday night that I visited
$ 5 Yuengling
$ 20 – 30 Dances
Located in an odd parallelogram shaped building at the intersection of Industrial Highway and Jansen Ave just a bit south on 95 from the airport. There is on street parking right but I could see that getting sparse on a busy night or after a game. Parking was starting to look difficult when I left and the club wasn’t even half full. As you enter the long, rectangular main stage with poles at either ends is off to the left. Another smaller stage is directly in front of you in what I would consider the back of the club. The couch dance rooms are off to the right. I’d compare Lou Turks to the Oasis club just up the highway in Philly. It might be just a bit bigger but it seems to have a similar feel. I arrived just as an Eagles game ended so in short order a decent crowd had filled the bar. People were energetic and seemed to be there for a good time without getting too rowdy. Drink prices were strip club average and most of the girls were satisfied with a one dollar tip, though a couple did push for more. All in all the dollar parade was not too heavy. There is a $ 20 no-​touch lap dance room and a private $ 30 touching allowed room. I opted for the $ 30 room and enjoyed a dance from a curvy Italian woman. The room is lit just right and roomy with a couch that gives the ladies plenty of room to work. The ladies were mostly white with a couple black girls in the mix. All seemed friendly enough, not much attitude. They were all in the 7 – 8 range so pretty solid quality-​wise. I might drop in again if I’m in the area but the no-​touch $ 20 dance is a turn of when every other Philly clubs lets your hands wander for the same price.

I think the first thing I should do is provide a disclaimer for that star rating: strictly speaking, my evaluation falls more under the «Yay! I’m a fan» description of four stars than the quality those stars would normally bring to mind…
I’ve not been in Lou Turk’s hallowed hall for a few years, but when I was apprenticing, the journeymen would force me to celebrate freaky Friday there with them weekly. As far as quality of performers go, think of this place as a cheesesteak shop in comparison to LeBec Fin; you can get a very satisfying quality meal, but it’s not exactly something you’d be bragging about to everyone you meet.
Basic dive bar type setup (generic domestics and well drinks), and pricing is relative to that, so you can get a pretty good load on for a pretty fair price. Some would say that is the end of the prettiness you’ll find there, but all women are beautiful, so you can definitely find some diamonds here, just less on the weekdays at noon (when the butts start shaking) than on Friday or Saturday at 9pm. Bottoms never come off here but areolas are fully flaunted, private dances are allegedly $ 20 (but I’ve never been there when someone got one) and though the stage is behind the bar, when the ladies come around after dancing to collected private tips, things can get a tad wild…
This was the first gentleman’s club I was ever admitted to, and the fellows who brought me there felt it was their duty to educate me in the ways of the perve, so I feel it is only right that I pass on a few moves to those of you not in the «know». Remember, these are just normal ladies, so try not to be too much of a jerk when enjoying the show, many of them are there supporting families.
1. The fish hook: When the dancer is coming around in her bra and panties to get paid post-​performance, she will offer you three deposit ports; chesticles, booty, and then front side-​down low. When offered the teat, take your dollar with your index and middle finger and slide it between her garment and skin, then, looping your pinky like a J, you hook the nipple on the way out. Strippers are anti-​fans of this move, and you’ll likely only have one chance to execute it before word spreads that you are a creeper, so plan your actions accordingly.
2. The Stork: At any point when you wish to reward a good show, fold your bill longways down the center, then moisten your nose on both sides with saliva or beer, and apply said bill. Liquid will adhere the cash to your schnoz, extending your natural length by a good three inches, and give you the semblance of having a stork beak. How you have the lovely lady remove your «bill» is up to you, but she has a few pinch points to work with and will usually oblige.
3. Work the bartender: On many of my sojourns here the hottest employee was actually the ex-​dancing cougar of a bartender. Work the conversation right with her and you could be getting flashes (often with the permission to fondle) for whatever price you’ve negotiated: silver tongues may go for free, a-​holes could be charged as much as $ 40
The final bit of advice I offer should almost go without saying. They serve food here, but I cannot bring myself to dine at a venue such as this, so thankfully a Wawa is located directly across the street for scoring all your victuals.