BTN Big10K

True, not all of the 13,000 participants went to a Big 10 school, but those that did represented well. The Huskers wore their red, the Northwestern crew donned their purple, and the Michigan State folks came out shouting «Go Green! Go White!» I assume that refers to the school’s colors, but could also be encouraging us to be more environmentally friendly and less racially inclusive. Yup, if you’re looking for your fellow grads from places like Rutgers or Ohio State, unlike book stores, research labs, or Mensa meetings, you’ll find tons of them here!
Fleet Feet normally puts on a great race. But this time, like an autistic Little Leaguer, they kept dropping the ball. On the last day of packet pickup, they ran out of shirts and only had ones from Indiana. So, I got to represent our nation’s touchstone for religious freedom (and of course by «religion» we mean only Christianity and by «freedom» we mean an unquenchable hatred for gay people). Gear check was in another time zone. Placing gear check at the furthest point away from the start line was as well thought out as when I pitched my helicopter eject seat idea to the military. Many runners reported the 10k course was actually 6.3 or 6.4 miles, which didn’t help on this hot, humid July day. This was one of the few times when you’re actually angry about getting more for your money (the others being circumcisions and ordering food from Little Caesar’s).
At the post-​race fan fest, you got a free beer, a brat, CLIF bars, and coffee samples from an odd sponsor, Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts slapping their logo on an athletic event is about as appropriate as Claritin putting their logo on the «I Can’t Breathe» protest shirts. Each school had an alumni booth, which gave away school-​themed sun glasses and where hordes of alums congregated. Usually when I see so many Wisconsin alums gathered together, I’m at a Cheesecake Factory or a mobility scooter dealership.
See you in the Rose Bowl. Go Golden Bears.