Characters Bar & Grill

A crappy bar in perhaps the worst bar town on the planet. It’s probably the only option reasonably close to MIT, which makes me feel very sad for all of the sober (and most likely abstinent) MIT kids.

Oh my Lord, I should probably give this place 5 stars for how ridiculously funny-​bad it is. My party was me (a chick) and three giant hockey-​playing men. Between the four of us we had 2 pitchers, and 2 rounds of shots. Now I was a little tipsy, but those three dudes were untouched. We went to order another pitcher and the completely nerdy bartender was like, «Um, you guys are cut off.» We all just started laughing. No fighting, no mean things to say, nothing, it was just too funny.
Also, Big Buck Hunter only registers your very first shot, then it just lights up the screen but doesn’t register that you’re acutally shooting. So your accuracy is going to be either 0 or 100%, buddy. Choose wisely.

Its a hotel bar plain and simple. It has golden tee which I suppose is cool if your into that. I only stopped in because I was meeting someone at the Kendall T stop and it was literally the closest place for a beer.

There’s nothing really to say about Characters that hasn’t already been said.
But my friend and I just paid 50 fucking dollars to eat the most mediocre, overpriced, dried out food known to man in the hallway of a Marriott.
Go for the lulz, but that’s about it. There’s really not even any lulz to be had. It screams pathetic but it’s not laughably so. I assume this is what Purgatory is like.
Also the logo is totally a rip-​off of Cheers. Nice try, Characters.

Best things?
The Red Sox were on most of the TVs.
And they have a very affordable kids menu.
Worst things?
The food. Even that affordable kids menu.
And the service. What is going on here?
This is such an awkward cavern-​like space that if you lose your waitress you will never find her again as she disappears into a dark twilight zone. This is especially annoying when she has forgotten all of your drinks, your salad dressing and has mixed up one of the orders.
When hot dog loving kids don’t want to finish their kiddy meal, and start grumbling, what do you do? Distract them with Red Sox stats and hangman on the back of the paper place mat.
This place and the equally disastrous food court on the other side bookend a decent Marriott and are really shameful. We should be treating out of town visitors to the MIT area with much better choices than these uncomfortable dining experiences.

Say what you will about Characters, and it is all true. Is it the strangest, most awkwardly appointed bar in the greater metropolitan area? Yes. Are the prices on their drinks unnecessarily high? Of course. Does the entire blue collar, semi literate populous of Cambridge find it’s way in here? Indeed. Have I once heard a man fantasize about decapitating his wife? I have. DO THEY PLAY GLEN BECK ON THE FLATSCREENS DURING HAPPY HOUR? Uh huh.
Stale popcorn, ancient pinball machines, decrepit bathrooms with weird full length mirrors.
Two of the bar keeps are mutant clones of one another, they recognize you by face and serve tap beers quickly and in iced pint glasses. They assume you want another when you are done, which, of course I do.
Characters, to quote Digbeth «simultaneously the best and worst bar in Cambridge»
I am immediately going to re-​review at five stars

I have a co-​worker who describes Characters as a the bastard child of a mall food court and an airport bar. I personally find this description both adept and hilarious, and as you walk into Characters’ oddly open, Chilis-​in-​a-​hotel vibe, you might too.
It’s a dive without meaning to be, and without being dirty. The drinks are fine and the food is fine (I had a quesadilla which was completely unoffensive, for instance). Their weekly Stump Trivia is actually pretty fun because, amidst your desolate surroundings, you can kick some butt and still brag that you did it a stone’s throw away from the intellectual assets of MIT.
Don’t go for dinner, don’t go on a date, and don’t go as a destination, but, dare I say it, DO go for plenty of space with good humored friends who want to make their hour a bit happier or your trivia team that’s been down on its luck. Because mall+bar+airport+food court adds enough character to at least make things interesting.

Just because you ARE a character, doesn’t mean you HAVE character.
So says the Wolf, man. … Not the Wolfman, but Mr. Wolf — Winston Wolf. The Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction. The one who fixes problems. That one.
(and not to be confused with the Mr. Wolfe from CSI: Miami. He’s a bit of a ponce and doesn’t do shit).
Well, since your enemies’ enemies are your friends, then five stars. Sure, why not?

I will give Characters its first five star review. Why, you ask? Because it fails so awesomely at everything I kinda feel sorry for it. It’s like those hideous troll dolls. So ugly it’s cute. Or like that really dorky, socially awkard kid you would have tormented as a child, but now, as a mature human being, realize how sad and pathetic he is and you just want to give him a big ol’ hug and say, «Dude, it will seriously get better in college.»
That, my dears, is Characters. It’s a hotel bar, for chrissakes, you can’t have too much expecation going in. The décor is not even décor– there isn’t anything going on. The lighting is waaay too bright. The wine was «eh… okay.» And they had Stump! trivia, but you couldn’t hear it from the bar area because they had the music up too loud. Oh, and said music really sucked. I have not yet tried the food, and I probably won’t have the opportunity, but it appears that I’m not missing anything special. Although they have a popcorn machine and you can take as much as you want and put it in cups they have provided. For free!
Characters also provides a vast amount of insight into a heralded insitution: the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Or, M.I.T., for those in the know. Could those MIT dorks be any dorkier? You guys don’t even have a fucking bar in the area worth going to? Are you all teetotalers? Do you just drink Ruble vodka in your room? Alone? And in the dark? Or are you being fucking crazy scientists and homebrewing up some moon shine? If so, sorry about the dork comment– can I come over?

On foggy nights when your flight from Lubbock is delayed, Characters is an OK place to nurse a Bud and watch greasy golf-​shirted travelers pull their suitcases by. Maybe you’ll redeem your $ 10 food voucher from Southwest airlines on a wrap that’s simultaneously dry and soggy.
Wait, Character’s isn’t the depressing late-​night option in a third tier airport? IT SURE FEELS THAT WAY!

First of all, Cambridge closes EARLY during the week. Unlike Boston, this is a business area so it is hard to find a place to eat late. Character’s serves food until 12am and drinks until 2am.
The food here is alright, but too expensive for the average quality. They have a pretty good selection of beers (including my favorite-​Stella-​on tap), but the bartenders suck.

what the fuck is this place?
I mean seriously…
OK, granted, hotel bars (particularly ones wedged into a hallway at a Marriott) don’t really need to serve much of a purpose than to sauce up business folk stuck at the place — and hopefully let them unwind in a comfortable experience. Obviously places like Liberty Hotel, Jurys, yada yada try to kick it way up — but we are talking Marriott here, which only just crosses the line from hourly to nightly rates.
but still, this place sets the bar so low a limbo pro couldn’t get under it. to the right, a huge bar washed in cheap K-​Mart track lights, in a room big enough to make the huge bar seem tiny and like it’s floating in the middle of nothingness — a few awkwardly placed pool tables off to the back, and a ‘view’ of the hotel hallway.
on the left, the ‘dining area’??? I only assumed so because of the laughable host podium near some sets of stairs that were so awkwardly placed, it was reminiscent of a screen from a Donkey Kong level. stadium seating with conference room chairs — class.
overall, this place is eye-​opening, for all the wrong reasons.

CHARACTERS GUY
This place is awesome if you don’t take yourself too seriously and stay away from their food. Have you ever watched Friends and wished you could have a place like their coffee shop where all your friends can meet and you can sit around for hours on sweet couches goofing around? Well let me tell you friend, this is what you’ve been waiting for.
This place is never crowded on weeknights and is perfect if you wanna relax a bit before taking the red line out of town. Grab a pitcher of Budweiser. Play some Big Buck Hunter. Maybe even a little Wii bowling or Foosball. Anything is possible at Characters! All the charm of a furnished basement RIGHT NEXT DOOR! Seriously, class is way overrated.

Kendall Square is a desperate locale. During the day, when there are scientists and business-​types milling around, the dining options are slim (shall I eat grease at the food court? Drop $ 8 for a salad at Sebastian’s? Steal the «free sample» flatbread at Cosí?) — but when the sun goes down the people evaporate and the sidewalks get closed up.
Enter Characters. Imagine if your friendly local Applebee’s had slightly worse food, lacked walls covered in flair, and were in the lobby of the Marriott. If you found yourself hungry in MIT-​ville at 9 PM, you’d be pretty happy about it; most other people wouldn’t be.
The food is acceptable and not an iota more: $ 10 will get you a burger and fries or a plate of hummus, pita, and veggies — the latter is better because it can’t be overcooked. There’s beer, I guess. You might be the only party in here, but face it: you’re here because you didn’t want to eat at the Subway in the MIT Student Center or walk to Central Square or the CBC.
I’m giving it three stars: one for existing, one for being open past 7 PM (I don’t know how late it *is* open — sorry), and one for being cheaper than Black Sheep in the Kendall Hotel across the street; if it were at Central I’d just give it one. It’s not a destination, and you’re likely to pass your meal wondering why you didn’t go to Harvard, but it gets the job done in a pinch.
It’s slightly hard to find if you don’t know where to look: from the T or MIT, go into the Marriott, hang a right, and go past the escalator.

Sadly, this is basically the only bar to go to that is directly in Kendall Square and I mean DIRECTLY — like step off the T, enter the Marriott domaine and into the only bar that can somewhat accomodate large parties in Kendall…
Furthermore unfortunately –
Hotel Bar = Over-​priced beer + slow azz service
Hotel Food = Over-​priced + served in plasticware + crap like microwaved frozen crap
Hotel Atmosphere = dated furniture + misunderstood layout (including high ceilings dwarfing the bar, waste of space…)
But it is a step from the T
They have one of those free popcorn stands
They serve Pacifico
and there are two coin-​op pool tables and some TVs
Meh.

It’s overpriced for what it is – 12 dollars or something ridiculous like that for a sandwich. However, it’s so conveniently placed that it will never die.
With the exception of 1 of the bartender and one ready-​to-​pop-​pregnant waitress, don’t expect friendliness or timely delivery. Also, they are in the habit of kicking «drunk» people out who aren’t drunk at all. I actually watched a co-​worker get cut off before he ordered. I’m not sure if that says something about him or something about them, but there you have it.

Very expensive, food not that great and simply not a good place to go and get food, especially when there’s a lot more alternatives around Kendall.
The service itself wasn’t so bad last time I was there, just a little slow… The coke wasn’t flat… but the food was just gross… And at a whooping $ 10+ for a Reuben, it’s like WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?! It didn’t taste good and I have to pay that much for it? Well I say no! no no no!

So every Unilocaler inevitably has at least one place that he ABSOLUTELY WON“T GO TO, even if he is starving and someone else drags him kicking and screaming through the door. So that’s Characters for me. I hate this place.
Let’s analyze the roots of my psychological affliction. I remember coming here years ago, and having one of the worst meals of my life. From what I remember, the service was incredibly slow, the food was bad (it might even have been cold by the time that it got to us) and expensive. I think that we might have left no gratuity, which is pretty much the only time I’ve ever done that. Anyways, I have since thought of Characters as the worst restaurant in Cambridge.
And the strangest thing is that I’ve had two occasions to come here in the last week. The first I managed to dodge by not going to the event, but the second one I had to go to. This was at the bar, which was truly gross. I don’t know what the person who planned the event was thinking, but clearly it didn’t consist of sane thoughts. At least I could get drunk to dull the pain, which I did.
Don’t go here. Even if you have to drink cyanide to get out of going.

Look, everyone knows Characters deserves NO STARS, but that ignores how great it is to feel like you’re on Cheers! Really! Like you’re in the middle of a stage set that’s built to resemble only those parts of a bar that are going to appear on camera, leaving whole swaths of it empty. That mediocrity of this level even exists — thrives, even — is truly something to stop and take notice of.
How you do it, Character’s, I don’t know, but no one else could. On some level, I salute you.

Awful, awful, awful. So awful you forget about it, then go «Oh jeeze, it can’t be THAT bad, can it?» and you end up going again, only to be completely and totally flattened by how terrible it all is.
Kendall Square, in its main area down Main Street, is in dire need of restaurants, has this pitiful excuse of a «bar/​pub» type eatery.
I went here out of desperation again, and remembered why I never went here, and why no one ever comes here. Overpriced food, flat soda (How do you screw up soda!?), and waaay overpriced beer. Who would seriously buy a pitcher of Bud Light for 18 bucks? Someone must…
Our bartender/​waitress claimed that «everything was good» here. My steak and cheese was not spicy, not very hot, lacking on the cheese factor, and the bread was limp as the faded, dated theme. It was certainly edible, but for the prices they’re charging for what amounts to food that tastes about as fresh as a 7 – 11 sandwich put in the microwave, I’d expect more.
Avoid it at all costs, take the trek to 1 Kendall.