New England Home Show

The four hour jaunt was as much fun as a going on a scavenger hunt. The prizes being a plethora of professional tradespeople and laborers: architects, interior designers, landscapers, and chimney sweepers. Yay, chimney sweepers! I’d been looking for one of these guys for months. Before running into one guy, I’d called several places with big ads, not one returned my phone calls. Anyhow, before leaving, I got contact information and job quotes from two other sweepers, one of whom was chock full of good information, and whose quote was cheaper than the first guy’s. Our extensive conversation further convinced me to change my oil man.
In aisle 900 stood Jim, the contractor whose crew sided my house, installed my windows, showed up early, left late, and completed the project on time. How lovely to see you, again.
Somewhere between aisles 800 and 300 was a company called Vita-​Mix. My Honey became mesmerized by their product, which looks like a blender, is as loud as a vacuum cleaner, has 2 horsepower, and makes chicken, tortilla soup in under 5 minutes. Now, it’s sitting on my counter, washed and ready to make ice cream, sorbet, smoothies, peanut butter, frozen cocktails, and bad hits of fake cocaine. What I mean is, it grinds whole grain into flour. Just try to arrest me for peddling organic, pastry flour!
There were lots of companies showcasing products promoting the go green movement — very cool! A few others claimed to be green, but honestly weren’t. There were video games for restless teens, an impressive steam iron and ironing board, sleep number mattresses, saunas, home technology solutions for technophiles who want their TV, satellite radio, iPhone, and other electronic equipment hooked into one system; cooking demonstrations, water filtration systems, 400 thread count sheets for $ 20, oglers, Googlers, frugalers, and every type of property improvement specialist, except plumbers, electricians, pest removers, and Lowe’s. I heart Lowe’s.
When/​If you go next year buy cheaper admission tickets on-​line from their website. If you’re a Boston Globe reader, sometimes there are free admission coupons to these kinds of events in their paper. If you’re frugal, bring 16 quarters and park at one of the many 4 hr. Massport meters lining Seaport Blvd that run 7days a week, or park in the $ 10 lot, because parking in the Seaport garage could cost you $ 18. Go early before it gets too crowded to be pleasurable. Relax. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Smile. Be prepared to greet someone you know. Get ready to be entertained, better informed, wowed, bullshitted, and mesmerized by a $ 459– blender.