The Grandest Inter-world Searching

If you were at North Berkeley BART station at about 4:30 yesterday, you might have seen some weird stuff. If you were at the New Parkway last night, you would have also seen some weird stuff. If you were in Times Square in New York Wednesday, you would have seen some REALLY weird stuff. I’ve been told I can’t really divulge the details until tomorrow, but they all have to do with The Grandest Inter-​world Searching High-​and-​low Thing We Ever Spied. Yes, that is not its real name. And it’s all over the world. You can google it and maybe it will pop up. Maybe. Be creative in how you google it. Really, I can’t tell you. I can tell you I almost got thrown out of the Oakland Zoo yesterday. Okay, I am exaggerating a little bit about that. A little bit. But seriously. The thing I can’t really tell you about: it’s great. Or, you know, maybe it’s not. I can’t really tell you till tomorrow. But it’s good. Really, really good. I CAN’T TELL YOU. Use your google! You went to school, use your google. It’s all over the world! But not like that one movie with Ewan MacGregor and the chick from The Golden Compass, where people all over the world all of a sudden lose their sense of smell and start bumping into each other. It’s not bad, it’s good. What? That one chick. She played the witch in that movie. She was barefoot and badass. She had long flowing locks and she didn’t even need to ride a broom to fly, she just grabbed a stick and off she went. So, but it’s not bad: it’s good, this thing I can’t really tell you about. It’s really, really good. Boy howdy, cheese and crackers, peaches and gravy, it’s flippin great. In a word, it’s abnosome. Stop asking me. You’re a grownup, use your google.