Five Star Kebabs

Upon seeing this place up in lights it’s highly doubtful Euclid would’ve uttered Q.E.D, however an exclamatory W.T.F would certainly have been on the cards!
The name itself is a gigantic self satisfaction session, and basically you’re the one whose holding the mop!
In reality, the proprietors of this late night face stuffer are taking irony to such a level that we are going to need to discover a new metal to replace the one already in the word because it’s rusted away from pissing itself with laughter!
Ok — enough analogies — I came to five-​star kebabs for an epic slice of pie after a hot ‘n sweaty dance at Arq. Yes, straight men dance at gay clubs. All the time. Especially when accompanied by a hot Colombian woman and it’s what SHE wants to do!
But I digress. Seriously Im giving this place half-​star cos you can fold the NY-​style slice in half and half-​star because it was actually open. I’m taking 4-​stars off because even blind stinkin’ drunk this food tastes bloomin’ awful. It’s an absolute villain.
Literally come here if it is 3am, you’ve had a skinful and there’s no dramas with eating something that may or may not be real food.
Otherwise give it the world’s widest berth! Play it safe with HJ’s or head home and sleep it off with 3 litres of water and a bacon brekky!

Lots of different pizzas late at night! Serves its purpose-​pizza pie is always good after drinking but sometimes these pizzas are sitting around quite a long time.

Located on the corner of Taylor Square, and next to the infamous Courthouse Hotel, this place is perfectly situated to reach its target clientele.
Offering all the greasy, alcohol-​absorbing food that you could dream of Five Star Kebabs is the much adored stop off spot for a «quiet» bite to eat before many a reveller heads home.
This place has it all with cuisine from around the globe, Turkish, Italian, American — we’re talking Pizza, Burgers, Chips and anything that can be deep-​fried and turn your paperbag see-​through.
I’m not too sure who exactly awarded this joint with the five stars, nor exactly what the stars are for — but given the many happy customers you can spot filling their faces here most early mornings there’s no one complaining.